Dealing with a break up and a broken heart requires skills and knowledge. However, dealing with a break up during the holiday season (and especially New Year’s Eve) requires advanced will power, dedication, and strength. “Everything that does not kill us makes us stronger.”
I was driving to a meeting, December 15th this year, when a famous LA radio host made a joke about meeting a “break up deadline.” I turned the volume up. “Guys, the official deadline for breaking up has been met. Nobody should break up from today until January 1st”. “Yeah, right,” was my initial thought….If only it was possible that so many people would remain happy during the holidays.
1. If a break up is a part of a “New Year’s Resolution.” This is the worst reason because even though this person might not stick to his (her) New Year’s Resolution, the “holiday break up” totally means the END. If it is not the immediate end, then it is definitely the beginning of the end.
2. If your ex associated your relationship with stress and a break up was the only way to get rid of extra stress. This situation can be undone, but it will take time and lots of patience.
3. If your significant other has another significant other and would like to move forward and spend the holidays with that person. There is no comment for this situation because it is quite obvious. There is only one way to deal with this right now – keep your oxygen and move forward.
2. Stay away from gatherings with couples. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, let me enlighten you – there are much more young, smart, great, good looking, quality people than you can even imagine who spend the holidays by themselves and feel absolutely happy and completed.
3. Do an inventory of your feelings – do you a) feel hurt and miss your significant other or b) do you feel lost and incomplete? If your answer is “b”, then you have to research a different topic because your problem is not the break up, but the inability to feel like a complete person on your own.
4. Have quality time with yourself. Do the same things that couples do, but by yourself. It just sounds weird. In reality it might be lots of …if not fun, but decent time. If you have a budget, book a last minute short trip. A get away is always a great way to heal your broken heart.
5. If you absolutely cannot be by yourself, find a person in your social circle who is neutral and whose company you enjoy. Spend the holidays with that person.
6. Remember that break ups happen more often than you think and you are not the only one in this situation now.
7. Keep in mind that it’s better to be by yourself than in a dysfunctional relationship with a manipulating spouse.
8. The Holidays” is just a label and being by yourself during the holidays is no different than being by yourself during any other day. The main problem is not being by yourself, but feeling unhappy because you are by yourself at this present moment.
9. A Chinese proverb says that “problems are opportunities in working clothes”…you never know. Open your eyes and look around; you never know who you might meet.
10. Happy New Year! Even if you have problems now, the New Year will bring you new, good things if you will be open, positive, and optimistic!
- Casual sex with no protection, and no phone call the next day
- Commitment, love, and poems under a tree.
He’ll check the one that says “commitment”. Because he is very committed (to see you naked)
Surviving a break up for women is a very demanding topic. My friend’s little sister just stopped by. “‘Broken Heart 911’ sounds so depressing…” a happy 18 year old who just entered her first long term relationship wrinkled her nose. “Yes, it is. However, do you know how many people asked ‘Uncle Google’ about surviving a break up and broken heart last month? A very low estimate is more than 200,000 in US. And do you know how much REAL help people get? I’m talking about help where people don’t have to help a psychiatrist to make a living.”
IF YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO IS SURVIVING A BREAK UP, THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU.
Main Rules for Surviving a Break Up
Surviving a break up and healing a broken heart is a necessary and urgent step for women because a broken heart might distract you from being happy in other areas of your life. Your family, friends, and co-workers deserve to be happy with you as well. They have their lives too and they simply don’t deserve seeing your red, swollen eyes and sad face 24/7.
- Where is this headed? – What do you see in the future? – How do you feel about commitment? – I’m looking for the one. – “Do you want to settle down? – I refuse to waste my time in a dead-end situation. – I’d like to have children. – Do you ever see yourself getting married? – I’m looking for security. What are you looking for? – My clock is ticking.The woman thinks she’s subtly beating around the bush, or helping to move tings along. But to a guy? He sees this as way too obvious. It’s as blatant as a farmer opening up the mouth of a work mule to examine the teeth: “Good stock! I’ll take him”
Do you have favorite quotes? Please, share with us!
Fixing a broken heart can be easy if you know what needs to be done. Otherwise, you will be spending tons of time, energy, money, and efforts for nothing and will end up with the same, sad, broken result.
1) accept the situation
2) stop swimming and marinating yourself in a pool of negative emotions
3) switch to a positive mood
4) understand that he (she) is your ex for a reason
5) forget your ex
6) move on
The Broken Heart 911 program explains how to do that in details.
Step One – Accept the Situation
Did you know that the most difficult part of each and every problem is the acceptance of this problem? Your problem seems absolutely unique and unbearable at this moment. However, you should just think that about half a million people break up each day just in the US. You are not alone. It has happened to every person who was dating at least once. If a break up has never happened to someone for some reason, it’s not a good sign at all. Having a broken heart is as natural as having a snowstorm or an earthquake. Some people might successfully avoid it and some people might have a broken heart more often than the flu.
Step Two – Stop Negative Energy
Fixing a broken heart means getting back to your normal, happy mood. You get back to being happy if you are in a bad mood all of the time. If you are charged with bad emotions, the outcome will be bad as well. The situation will not change (we discussed in Step #1 that your situation needs to be accepted) so it is always better to leave negative, irritable, and angry thoughts and actions alone.
Step Three – Switch to a Positive Mood
When you make a conscious decision to stop being negative, you have to get yourself in a good, cheerful, positive, happy mood. It’s very easy to do it if you know techniques. The Broken Heart 911 program describes all those practices in details. A few of the exercises are dedicated to learning how to switch into a great mood, control your thoughts, and feel happy.
Step Four – Understand That He (She) Is Your Ex for a Reason
Fixing a broken heart starts from realization that your beloved ex is an ex for a reason. The post break up state of mind (especially if you did not initiate the break up) has a tendency of remembering mostly the good things about your relationship. Illusions are your worst enemies and you need to remember them. If order to fix your broken heart you need to be a realist – a very strict one.
The headline of this step should not mislead you. It does not mean that you should totally forget who your ex is. This is possible only in the case of severe amnesia. What we mean by “forget your ex” is that you have to really pre occupy yourself with different activities that would take your mind off your ex. Sitting around and thinking of how things could’ve turned out differently is a very destructing strategy.
Step Six – Move On
This step is easier said than done. You read this and think “is she crazy? I’m supposed to move on? How can I move on if the only thing I can think of is him (her)?” I know exactly what you are thinking and how you feel. However, there is a formula for everything. If you want to get a job, you have to send out a resume. If you want to lose weight, you have to eat healthy and exercise. If you want to fix a broken heart, you have to move on.
2) Your EX is your EX for a reason
3) Everybody has had a broke heart at least once.
4) Life is short and it’s your choice to live it happily or miserably.
5) Happiness is inside of you; you just have to look deeper and pull it out.
Broken heart, break up, dysfunctional relationship, opinionated kids, problems at work or even a work absence along with mean fall weather and a global economy crisis are not the best conditions to spend days in your best mood.
There are tons of mood descriptive terms such as hypochondria, melancholy, boredom, longing, and despair. However, all of those terms won’t be found in medical books. Medical sources operate with two main concepts of “stress” and “depression.”
People who try to fight their bad mood need to know the difference between “stress” and “depression” as well as know that they are closely related to each other.
Irritability, a short temper, and anxiety are the main stress symptoms. Each and every person should be very careful with those symptoms because stress will not forgive the careless attitude. If you neglect your nervous system, you stress can turn into depression.
Therefore, we have to fight a bad mood and do every thing we can in order to be in a good mood. The sooner we start, the better our chances and results will be.
Let’s make an adjustment on the agreement – we recommend a no shopping and no food (especially sweets) therapy. Shopping will have a negative intact on your budget and food will get you out of shape (it might be the reason for the secondary wave of stress later).
Tip 1 – Wash Your Stress Away
Go to a spa and treat yourself with sauna, steam room, massages, facials, or any other procedure. Sounds simple, but all water procedures wash stress away. If you can’t afford a spa or don’t have time, you can either go to a good sports club (even if you are not a member, you can easily get a free pass) or you can go to any luxury hotel in you area. You don’t have to buy the full spa service. Most of the hotels will let you in for a minimal fee and you can spend as much time as you want near the pool and other amenities.
If even those options are not an option – take an old fashioned, warm bubbly bath with lots of lit candles and mellow music. Buy fresh mint and brew mint tea with lemon, honey, and a shot of cognac. You will feel brand new afterwards.
Tip #2 – Laugh Like a Kid
You should feel free to laugh at every opportunity, even non appropriate sometimes. A good laugh benefits not only your mood, but your health in general. Even if you don’t feel like laughing, laugh anyways. Studies prove that artificial laugher becomes genuine and contagious eventually.
Tip # 3 – Surround Yourself With Bright Colors
In a lot of cases, fall mood swings are results of light deficiency. In order to compensate this luck, you should surround yourself with bright colors. Stop saving electricity and add more light to your room.
Research color psychology and find out what color you would need to have around the most. Change your curtain and covers. Oranges and tangerines will remind you of sun. Fill your vase with bright fruits. Buy fresh flowers and place them in your living room (no flowers in the bedroom, according to feng shui).
Tip # 4 – Become Your Own Adventure Tour Guide
What would be an extreme experience for you – sky diving, roller coaster riding, or wall climbing? There are so many unexplored activities. Do any of them and your mood will be constantly lifted. In order to increase this effect, shamelessly brag about your experience and courage, especially to people who would not believe you.
Tip # 5 – Help Someone Who Feels Even Worse Than You Do
If you think that you’ve got problems, I’d love to assure you that there are many people who have much deeper problems. Find a person who has more problems than you do and help him (her). At the very least you can listen, sympathize, cheer up, and make him (her) feel better. Altruism not only reduces stress, but also improves your immune and cardiovascular system.
Tip # 6 – Get a Pet
Studies done by the University of California showed that keeping and communicating with a pet produces the serotonin, happiness hormone. Serotonin lifts your mood in fifteen-twenty minutes. Visit friends who own pets and play with their cats or dogs. You can even go to you local pet store and watch a fish swimming or a bird singing.
Tips # 7 Connect to Nature
Spending time near flowers, woods, or water will switch your negative energy. Sunrises and sunsets are the best time to connect with nature. Go watch waves for half an hour, take a hike, or just sit in the nearest park and your mood will improve.
Exercise: if can watch the sun rising or setting, inhale and slowly count until ten. At the same time, imagine the stream of silver energy going from the sun and wrapping you as a space suit and filling you with happiness. When you exhale, picture yourself keeping this silver energy suit on. Sometimes you don’t even leave the office in order to do this exercise. What you need is a window and the sun.
Please, tell us what you do to lift your mood