Written by Viktoria
Stood up means that your date not only did not show up, but also did not bother to explain why it happened. Of course, there were no apologies either. The false promises to go somewhere or do something together are considered stood up as well. We are not talking about waiting for a person at the time he was supposed to pick you up and his phone was off.
Now, let’s make it crystal clear.
If a man gets stood up by a woman there can only be three reasons:
1) Something terrible happened – you should call her and ask what happened.
2) The woman is absolutely not interested in this man and does not care to the level that she won’t communicate with him at all. If a woman is not interested, there is nothing you can do except either step back, wait and pray, or find another woman.
3) The woman has been hurt by this man and this is her little (or not so little) revenge plan. If a woman is hurt or upset, then you really need to come up with a strategy for her forgiveness, but that’s a separate topic.
1) Disrespect – he simply does not care enough to call and explain.
2) Fear – he knows that he is wrong, but he does not want to go through the explanation process, so he develops an “ostrich attitude”, putting his head into the sand and pretending that he cannot be seen.
What is the solution? The solution is simple. Are you familiar with the “done once” rule? All people are creatures of habits. If someone did something once, then he will do it again.
Therefore, if a man disrespected you once, then he will do it again.
You are the one who has to choose between the pleasure of spending time with this man under his conditions or respecting yourself and not letting anybody treat you like a doormat.
I advise you to listen to him once and if he will do it again, then you need to move on unless you are fine with being stood up on weekly basis. If your man does the same disrespectful things to you over and over again, then he is the wrong man for you. There are lots of available men and all it takes is to just find one.
If you believe that you will be able to change your man, then I have news for you. The only age when you can change a man is when he is in diapers.
The way your man behaves is his choice and there is nothing you can to change his choice. The only thing you can do is make your own choice that will be good for you. Moving forward with your life will be the best possible choice because you have only one life which is absolutely precious. You deserve to be happy each and every moment of your life.
And when you meet your Mr. Right-For-You, you will recognize him immediately because he won’t make you feel sad or worried.
Move on and let Mr. False Promise/No Show worry and wonder where you are now. There will be other women in his life to be stood up. If you are a lady with self respect and self confidence, you won’t join them.
Men often take women’s caring, sweetness, and kindness for a weakness…big mistake!
Contributed by Richard Childs
Facebook has fouled the dating world a whole lot. You have to ask a lot of questions when you are reading someone’s profile: Is this information a true representation of the person or an online avatar of what makes them look the best? The anonymity of the internet has given people the courage to write anything. Self doubt coupled with the freedom to develop an online avatar of themselves has caused many an uncomfortable first date. Confidence in yourself and being real about yourself online is a major component of being successful in general. Being overly revealing is also a bain to your success. “Does everyone really need to know this factoid?” is a heavy question that you need to ask when making a profile.
Humans are inquisitive by nature. Facebook is like stalker heroine. I find grand irony in the fact that Zuckerberg ended up having a horribly invasive stalker in his life. With all good things comes a down side. The reconnecting with old friends, family, and former coworkers is great and its effect on freedom to seek information in repressive regimes has propagated freedom all over the globe. Despite all the relationships that it has destroyed, all the Facebook bullying, drunken booty calls, and breakfast menu updates, the freedom it has allowed and the democracy it has promoted is phenomenal.
With all of this said, I can easily assume that Facebook is most likely one of the leading factors in fractured relationships (and broken heart reason). Facebook has so many uses: self promotion, business promotion, informed living, true relationship building, and faux importance building. If you are interested in a person or in the early stages of dating, then you need to stay off their page or limit the depth of which you are digging, especially if they are using their page for business or personal promotion. You will be driven insane with assumptions regarding why this person is contacting them or whose status they have liked. ‘Age: number of friends’ ratio is important. If they are 18-25:500-700 friends are normal, and for their age group they are adept at Facebook and grew up with social networking. Stalking and liking most of their statuses is not as faux pa. If they are 25-35:200-400 friends can be normal but Facebook stalking is less accepted. 35-40:150-250 is normal and Facebook stalking may turn them off quickly. This is the ‘but’ and it’s a big one. If you see a person that exceeds these numbers and has no interest in self promotion of services, ideals, products, or business then they may be friend collectors and sorting through all of their contacts will drive you battier than trying to decipher the meanings of the symbolism in the TV series “Lost” or trying to decipher the drunken text of your philosophy student friend. Get to know the person, and then their profile will make more sense, if any at all.
Contributed by Richard Childs Entertainer
Our world has changed and we have changed how we seek love and how we define love itself. Everything has a metamorphosis and has to evolve to be relevant. Dating did not even exist a couple centuries ago. Courtship was the most prevalent form of finding a mate. Everyone was vetted by the family and there was little contact while separate from a chaperone. Some may say that this is impossible in today’s modern dating climate. I actually know someone who went through the courtship ritual and married not too long ago. Arranged marriages still happen in certain countries such India. India’s approach to matchmaking is totally different than mostly any other place. Professional Indian women approach dating as if they are looking for business partner, they see the early stages of finding a date from a purely intellectual perspective. They look over resumes of the men that they are interested and evaluate them for genetics, earning potential and other criteria.
Attraction has many different levels: physical, chemical, emotional, genetic, fiscal, and intellectual. The only difference for most people is how they prioritize these elements. Everyone is different, and thus the complexity of finding a mate. The Indian approach varies but could be weighted in this order: Intellectual, fiscal, genetic, physical, chemical, and then emotional. This is based on culture, and although many are appalled that someone would consider this manner of mate selection. This is their manner and it in no way effects you unless you apart of the process. We must respect this.
Individualism is the unique trait that makes mankind an amalgam of eclectic personalities. You have to understand this to know that stereotypes are a starter point but not the rule. This is where the algorithm of the dating sites can go wrong. A participant in internet dating is mainly intellectual exercise. This is why the success rate of successful coupling for internet sites is so low. The lack of personal interaction makes it harder for us to find our true mate. Interpersonal chemistry is the key point to a successful relationship. Many things in history looked good on paper but when put into practice they failed miserably; the Hindenburg, the titanic, or Sarah Palin’s attempt to garner votes from the African American vote through learning ebonics. On the other hand many things that no one thought would work, were astronomical success. Just because someone misrepresented themselves on their profile to cover what they thought was their shortcomings, doesn’t mean that you won’t like the actual person. Low self esteem doesn’t mean that this person doesn’t have great potential. Many people just need someone to believe in them, so that they can achieve their true potential.
Idealism is one of the major inhibitors for a person’s dating success. Many people spend so much mental energy sculpting what they think is their ideal mate. This exercise is easy to get caught up in and detrimental to finding a mate. What we think we want and what we need can be totally different. This is aggravated when you are asked all those questions on those dating sites. Depending on your state of mind and your past experience with those issues; can change how we answer. A bad experience with a person that holds the traits or habits will make you think that even though you may have liked those things before, you no longer do because of your past experience. This is when you have to do some true soul searching to decide if you dislike the action or the person that soured you to this. This is when our weighting of stereotypes can shut you off from an entire segment of people. Example: I dated a lawyer and they were self absorbed, needy, was a cheater and an abuser. When you meet the next lawyer who you might be attracted to, then your past experience hampers this possible relationship.
Expectations are heavy in new relationships. Men and women think differently and desire some of the same things but also function differently. Shared interests are a tad overrated. This is another place that algorithmic dating sites fail. If you had plugged my parents into one of the modern dating websites, the chances would have been better to win the lottery than them to be paired together. They had very few shared interests other than each other. I saw my father joyfully do things with my mother that he would have never choose to do on his own because he wanted to do things with her. Every action my father ever did in his life was to benefit her and thus benefit their coupling. She stood by and cared for him through a six year battle with cancer, and they had over thirty years of happiness together. They were even a result of a blind date orchestrated by my mother’s aunt.
The information age has so many on overload and knowing to much about the person or knowing to much of what a person thinks you need to know can be bad for dating. Sharing interests is important on some level of chemistry, but not the defining marker of compatibility. It is easy to assume that since someone only watches reality shows, and reads frivolous novels that they have a lower intellect. However do you consider that their job is overly intellectual, and on some level boring so they escape into to other’s drama and need to power down the thinker and just enjoy watching odd people acting stupid. It is also easy to assume that since all their shows are intellectual and all their books are deep and provocative, but again people have the choose to paint themselves as they please. They may say that they love the “Big Bang Theory”, and their intellect could be geographically closer to “The Jersey Shores”.
If you put a lot of weight on their interest then when you talk to them in person, casually bring up your shared interests. Passion will arise if they really like them. They will have interesting stories and fun factoids. So many have caught people in profile pimping, when you casually bring up a shared interest and they have no real interest. Again not a reason to write them off get to know the person because many people have passion paranoia: “if she knows I have a enormous collections of gnomes then she will never like me, but if I don’t tell her then she will not get me one for my birthday” or “If he knows that I like ‘clown on midget’ porn, he will think I am a nut…I wonder if he has likes oversized shoes”. Although these are extremely funny examples, still substitute your fetish qualm or oddity and see if they are really a deal breaker or a nuance that makes you different but not weird. When you have a perceived weirdosity then play a drunken game of truth or dare and go with it.