Break Up Advice

Written by Lana ~ The first time I laid eyes on my ex, I thought he was the most handsome man in the world. Although after thinking about it for a minute I realized that I haven’t really seen much of the world. I was also chubby and in the middle of a weird phase, so we didn’t hit it of right away. We did become good friends though, and that lasted for two years, during which I lost weight, grew and dyed my hair, and changed my personality quite a bit.

Then, on a normal night of pigging out and watching movies at his house, he kissed me. I could lie and say it was the best kiss in the world, but honestly, the first thing that popped into my head was: “Really? This is what I’ve been waiting for?” I felt nothing, but since I waited for that moment for years, I let myself keep doing it for the next couple of weeks until it consumed me.

After we started officially dating, I gave him my body, and thought we would be together forever. I never imagined my best friend would deceive me in any way, and when it happened the first time, I forgave him without even thinking about it. “It was just a kiss” he said. So I continued to let myself fall deeper.

We did everything together, and I really thought he needed me, until the first time he said “I just don’t feel like having a girlfriend right now.” This break up had me crying for weeks, and on the days I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I called him to hang out “as friends”. Of course to him it was a chance to have sex with me without dealing with commitment.

Finally I got the strength to stay away from him for a couple weeks and before I knew it he wanted me back; I took him back without giving it another thought. Throughout our three year relationship he broke up with me the same way over twenty times and every time, when he came back I gladly accepted him.

Probably because I didn’t think anyone would love me the way he did; I was wrong. Not only was I wrong about that, I was wrong about him, because when I finally got the courage to snoop through his text’s I found the answers I tried so hard to deny in my head.

Yes, he was texting other girls, including his ex girlfriend who he had slept with behind my back numerous times. I was so devastated and furious that I stormed out of his house and told him to never speak to me again. Not too long passed before he was at my door again; this time with flowers. They were so beautiful I had to take him back, but even pretty flowers couldn’t keep us together for long and subconsciously I never really forgave him.

After our third year of breaking up, making up, lying, cheating and pretending that we were okay I went on vacation. I only spent a week in Hawaii with one of my best friends but for some odd reason when I got back home I just didn’t love him anymore. He tried all his old tricks on me but they no longer lit up my heart, and I knew I had to move on.

Sometimes I got lonely and other times when he came to me crying I wanted to just hug him and tell him that everything is okay, and I love him too, but that was no longer true. It’s been years since my break up, and now it’s very hard to look back and understand why I spent so long crying when I could have been happy, but that’s just life I guess.

Written by Viktoria

Stood up means that your date not only did not show up, but also did not bother to explain why it happened. Of course, there were no apologies either. The false promises to go somewhere or do something together are considered stood up as well. We are not talking about waiting for a person at the time he was supposed to pick you up and his phone was off.

Stood up means a no show at the promised and scheduled time without any explanations.

Stood up is the first step towards your broken heart!

Now, let’s make it crystal clear.

If a man gets stood up by a woman there can only be three reasons:

1) Something terrible happened – you should call her and ask what happened.

2) The woman is absolutely not interested in this man and does not care to the level that she won’t communicate with him at all. If a woman is not interested, there is nothing you can do except either step back, wait and pray, or find another woman.

3) The woman has been hurt by this man and this is her little (or not so little) revenge plan. If a woman is hurt or upset, then you really need to come up with a strategy for her forgiveness, but that’s a separate topic.

If a woman gets stood up by a man, there might be too many reasons, but the main two would be:

1) Disrespect – he simply does not care enough to call and explain.

2) Fear – he knows that he is wrong, but he does not want to go through the explanation process, so he develops an “ostrich attitude”, putting his head into the sand and pretending that he cannot be seen.

What is the solution? The solution is simple. Are you familiar with the “done once” rule? All people are creatures of habits. If someone did something once, then he will do it again.

Therefore, if a man disrespected you once, then he will do it again.

You are the one who has to choose between the pleasure of spending time with this man under his conditions or respecting yourself and not letting anybody treat you like a doormat.

I advise you to listen to him once and if he will do it again, then you need to move on unless you are fine with being stood up on weekly basis. If your man does the same disrespectful things to you over and over again, then he is the wrong man for you. There are lots of available men and all it takes is to just find one.

If you believe that you will be able to change your man, then I have news for you. The only age when you can change a man is when he is in diapers.

The way your man behaves is his choice and there is nothing you can to change his choice. The only thing you can do is make your own choice that will be good for you. Moving forward with your life will be the best possible choice because you have only one life which is absolutely precious. You deserve to be happy each and every moment of your life.

Being stood up is another form of experience that people get. There is no such a thing as bad experience. According to a Chinese proverb, bad experience is an opportunity in working clothes.

And when you meet your Mr. Right-For-You, you will recognize him immediately because he won’t make you feel sad or worried.

Move on and let Mr. False Promise/No Show worry and wonder where you are now. There will be other women in his life to be stood up. If you are a lady with self respect and self confidence, you won’t join them.

Men often take women’s caring, sweetness, and kindness for a weakness…big mistake!

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Unrequited love quotes by Viktoria Kanevsky:

• Unrequited love won’t kill you; it will waste your precious time and positive energy which is almost the same.

• Sometimes after wanting a particular person for many days, weeks, months, or years, you will look back and think, “Why did I spend so much time wanting something that does not really exist?”

• Unrequited love is just another form of a destructive addiction. If alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs kill your body first, unrequited love kills your soul and lets alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs finish its job.

• Unrequited love is like a stair master – the longer you go, the more energy you need to keep moving. The difference is that after a stair master workout you’ll get in a positive mood and will become one step closer to your dream shape. Unrequited love will keep you negative and will take you nowhere.

• Imagine taking all the money you have, cashing it out and throwing it in the wind…what a waste. You could do so much with that money from paying your bills to giving gifts to people you love, from getting everything you need to splurging yourself, etc. While you are stuck in unrequited love, you do the same thing with your energy.

• If someone is stuck in unrequited love, it means that this person has no love or respect for himself (herself). Unrequited love is a dead end which means no future. A person with no future is not attractive or sexy.

• Nobody has died from unrequited love…but life with it is not real life; it’s just an existence.

While dedicating your life serving your unrequited love, you let all your real chances go. Your real love will become someone else’s love, your wife will become someone else’s wife, your kids will call someone else “dad”, your money will go to someone else’s bank account, and your happiness will be buried without being

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“I hate valentines day!” is the most common phrase said by single people in their most despised holiday – Single Awareness Day. There are reasons behind this saying because society puts tremendous pressure on currently single people.

People who are single by choice suddenly start feeling anxiety and doubts about their lifestyles. “What if…” they think. This means “What if I made the wrong choice, what if I had gotten married, what if I had concentrated on looking for my potential significant other?” Those multiple “ifs” twirl inside of their heads 24/7 as soon as they are trigged by multiple red ads with heart shaped objects.

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People who are single by choice usually win those inner battles pretty quickly and do not acknowledge the “V” holiday at all. They pretend it does not exist. However, this group of people is not that big. The largest “I hate Valentines Day” group is people who went through a dramatic break up. They either just cured their broken heart or still have it. Those people would give up lots of things in their lives in order to be held by someone who loves them on Valentines Day. Of course, 90% of those people are women.

Unfortunately, the real situation is not that simple. Those single people who dread being single on Valentines Day put a tremendous amount of pressure, anxiety, jealousy, and negativity on themselves. This is very dangerous because it can not only damage their health, but can also attract negative events in other areas of their lives (work, family, social, etc). Their inner moaning and crying about their exes might lead to not only multiple diseases (if they have kids under thirteen years old, the kids might get sick), but also to unemployment, loss of business, and conflicts with family and friends.

Dear people whose favorite mantra is “I Hate Valentines Day!”, stop chanting it right now. You have to switch your attention. If you don’t know how to do it, the Broken Heart 911 program has a whole chapter dedicated to this subject

Why don’t you treat Valentines Day like Martin Luther King Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, or Veterans Day? You don’t have a date? Great! It is much better to be meaningfully single than to be alone within the couple. Go out and watch people. You will be surprised how many couples are “on duty” because “they have to do valentine rituals.” Yes, there are lots of happy couples and it’s great. However, if you are not in a happy or at least functional relationship, it is better to be single. You don’t have to be completed. The “to be complete” myth was created by the sales department of the first matchmaking service.

There are several ideas for single people on how to spend Valentines Day:

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• Is there something that you have always wanted to do, but never had extra time or budget? Do it on Valentines Day whether it is trying a pole dancing class, doing a seaweed wrap, or buying a useless but beautiful piece of jewelry.

• Do you have a single friend or relative who you haven’t seen in a while? Go see this person. Perhaps you have your favorite niece who can’t wait to see you or your little sister who never gets your attention. If you are a single parent, spend your time with your kid doing something fun. Trust me, her (his) memories will be more valuable in the long term than spending time with “whoever was available.”

• Splurge on anything you want that would make you feel good.

• Go see a great movie, play, or concert.

• Remember that you are not the only one. You just feel like it. There are millions of people who are in the same boat as you.

Read this blog. We are going to create a month long Valentines section that will be dedicated to making all single and broken hearted people feel good. Instead of thinking “I hate Valentines Day”, think “Let me make this Valentines Day the first day of my new, happy life.” Some people make New Year Resolution, you make a Valentines Day Resolution that will be the first stair on a large ladder of your future happiness.

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Any break up is hard but being dumped on New Year’s Eve is a tough and completely cruel experience. The email below is from a woman who had her heart broken on New Year’s Eve.

“I want to heal my broken heart as quickly as I can. How should I move on? I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years. He broke up with me on New Year’s Eve without any reason. I’ve treated him like a king and loved him more than I loved myself for the last four years. Even though sometimes he treated me like an animal, I always forgave him. Please, help me. I need some advice. What should I do about my hurt feelings?”

Broken Heart 911 Comments

It is an amazing thing that you would like to heal your heart fast and reached out for help. Your email is very short and we don’t have much info to comment on, so we’ll try out best…

• In order for you to heal your broken heart, you need to understand the real reason why you were dumped. Just a quick glance at your letter shows that you have no idea why he did it. “I loved him more than I loved myself” – this is one of several reasons described in the “Broken Heart 911” e-book along with the “dumping formula.”

• You said that “he treated you like an animal”…well, it’s pretty self-descriptive. You should ask yourself, “Would I like to be treated like an animal again?” Then you should answer honestly. Yes, there are people who enjoy suffering, but I am not the right person to advise those people. There are clinics with certified doctors.

I am sure that you are a great person with a beautiful soul who deserves to be happy. Therefore, instead of being sad, you have to be happy that you got rid of your boyfriend. Yes, it’s very sad to be dumped on New Year’s Eve. However, New Year night is over, and there is a new, beautiful year ahead of you where you can meet your true love and build a real relationship where both of you will be happy.

• Everything happens for a reason and perhaps this New Year break up was a sign that enough is enough. Four years is one of the main relationship milestones and more than 40% of relationships are over by that time.

• The first thing you need to do is stop panicking, crying, and talking about your situation. What you really need to do is accept the reality.

Unfortunately, your letter was very short but we have lots of free information in our Broken Heart Section as well as the program “Broken Heart 911” that covers each and every aspect of break up from A to Z.

Just remember two things

1)    Your heart is as broken as you let it be.

2)    Nobody died from a broken heart.

How do you move on from a broken heart? Sometimes, a person is willing to forget about his (her) ex to work on becoming happy and living happily ever after, but he (she) knows that something is holding him (her) back. What is it?

Now, imagine a beautiful boat that is ready to sail. There is a beautiful, promising ocean ahead of this boat. All engines are roaring. However, the boat cannot move. Why? Let’s think…Exactly! The anchor is holding the boat, preventing it from an amazing trip.

While you analyze how to move on from a broken heart, you have to do an inventory of your feelings. Some of your feelings work as your anchor – they prevent you from moving on. What are those feelings?

• Regret – There are many things you might regret – from making a wrong choice to wasting your time, from letting your illusions break to having unprotected sex

• Anger – You might be angry at your ex (because he [she] let you down), at yourself (because you are such a smart person yet you let yourself into this totally predictable situation. Of course, you’d advise against it if something like that would happen to your best friend). You can be angry at your friends and relatives either because they did not predict the situation or because they told you so but you didn’t listen.

• Jealousy – Of course you are jealous! Especially if he (she) dumped you because he (she) fell for someone else. You already built your life around a person and he (she) announced that he (she) is in a relationship (engaged, getting married). And what are you? A piece of trash? How come some time ago, he (she) told you “L” word?

• Fear – The most common fear is not to “love like this” again. You might fear being lonely, going back to the “dating scene”, and much more. You might fear that nobody else will be interested in you as much as your ex was.

You experience many more described and non described negative feelings. The bottom line is that negative thoughts and feelings that are stuck in your head are multiple anchors.

It is totally normal to feel bad. However, it is not normal to be stuck in those feelings for a long time. You have to

1) Do an inventory of your feelings.

2) Write down in very small details what you feel and exactly why (be as specific as possible).

3) Accept the situation.

4) Switch to positive thoughts (if you don’t know how to do it, you can read “How to Heal a Broken Heart”).

Remember, negative feeling that keep you in your past not only ruin your present, but also block your future. The longer you marinate yourself in negativity, the longer it will take to recover.

Do you want to know how to move on from a broken heart? “Delete” your negative thoughts and sail to your beautiful future.

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Dealing with a break up and a broken heart requires skills and knowledge. However, dealing with a break up during the holiday season (and especially New Year’s Eve) requires advanced will power, dedication, and strength. “Everything that does not kill us makes us stronger.”

I was driving to a meeting, December 15^th this year, when a famous LA radio host made a joke about meeting a “break up deadline.” I turned the volume up. “Guys, the official deadline for breaking up has been met. Nobody should break up from today until January 1^st”. “Yeah, right,” was my initial thought….If only it was possible that so many people would remain happy during the holidays.

There are three main reasons why people break up a relationship during the holidays.

1. If a break up is a part of a “New Year’s Resolution.” This is the worst reason because even though this person might not stick to his (her) New Year’s Resolution, the “holiday break up” totally means the END. If it is not the immediate end, then it is definitely the beginning of the end.

2. If your ex associated your relationship with stress and a break up was the only way to get rid of extra stress. This situation can be undone, but it will take time and lots of patience.

3. If your significant other has another significant other and would like to move forward and spend the holidays with that person. There is no comment for this situation because it is quite obvious. There is only one way to deal with this right now – keep your oxygen and move forward.

10 Ways to Deal With a Breakup During the Holidays

1. Avoid mutual friends and his (her) relatives. They will be constant reminders.

2. Stay away from gatherings with couples. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, let me enlighten you – there are much more young, smart, great, good looking, quality people than you can even imagine who spend the holidays by themselves and feel absolutely happy and completed.

3. Do an inventory of your feelings – do you a) feel hurt and miss your significant other or b) do you feel lost and incomplete? If your answer is “b”, then you have to research a different topic because your problem is not the break up, but the inability to feel like a complete person on your own.

4. Have quality time with yourself. Do the same things that couples do, but by yourself. It just sounds weird. In reality it might be lots of …if not fun, but decent time. If you have a budget, book a last minute short trip. A get away is always a great way to heal your broken heart.

5. If you absolutely cannot be by yourself, find a person in your social circle who is neutral and whose company you enjoy. Spend the holidays with that person.

6. Remember that break ups happen more often than you think and you are not the only one in this situation now.

7. Keep in mind that it’s better to be by yourself than in a dysfunctional relationship with a manipulating spouse.

8. The Holidays” is just a label and being by yourself during the holidays is no different than being by yourself during any other day. The main problem is not being by yourself, but feeling unhappy because you are by yourself at this present moment.

9. A Chinese proverb says that “problems are opportunities in working clothes”…you never know. Open your eyes and look around; you never know who you might meet.

10. Happy New Year! Even if you have problems now, the New Year will bring you new, good things if you will be open, positive, and optimistic!

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Surviving a break up for women is a very demanding topic. My friend’s little sister just stopped by. “‘Broken Heart 911’ sounds so depressing…” a happy 18 year old who just entered her first long term relationship wrinkled her nose. “Yes, it is. However, do you know how many people asked ‘Uncle Google’ about surviving a break up and broken heart last month? A very low estimate is more than 200,000 in US. And do you know how much REAL help people get? I’m talking about help where people don’t have to help a psychiatrist to make a living.”

IF YOU ARE A WOMAN WHO IS SURVIVING A BREAK UP, THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU.

Main Rules for Surviving a Break Up

• Even though at this moment the whole Universe is spinning around your man, please remember that according to U.S. Census Bureau, there are about 48 million single men that are over 18 in the US. Look at yourself and remember that you deserve the best! Treat yourself with respect.

• A break up is incredibly painful, but stop and re-think about why you are hurt for a minute. Is it because you really love him or because you feel stupid investing so much time in a bubble illusion?

• Don’t let anybody or anything damage your self-esteem! Yes, it is OK that he dumped you. The failure is a success in progress.

• You don’t need anybody “to be completed.” Yes, it is great to have a soul mate. However, if you are in the process of breaking up, it is obvious that HE wasn’t your real partner.

• It is WRONG that your happiness depends on your “significant one.” If your man is aware of the fact that he is the only one who makes you happy, it might be the reason why he is no longer with you. Being the main source of happiness is too much of a responsibility for any man.

• You have to stay focused on keeping yourself in a positive mood. It is hard to do and you need to learn a few secrets, but the results will pay off. Like attracts like and you need to avoid more negative events in your life at any cost. There were situations where a broken heart lead to unemployment and many more unfortunate events.

• You never know what will happen tomorrow which is why you need to concentrate on being happy today. Happiness has nothing to do with having a good relationship.

• If you are breaking up, it means that he was not the one for you. It is better to go through pain now than in ten years after having a mutual household and a couple of kids. If you are married now, imagine how much harder it would be to handle the same situation if you would be ten years older.

• Stop letting “society rules” and “family standards” dictate and pressure you. Yes, it would be ideal to live “happily ever after” and each and every woman dreams about it, but it’s better to be alone than in a dysfunctional and abusive (not necessarily physically, but emotionally) relationship. If your grandmother does not agree with you, let it be your grandmother’s problem. She lived her life; now it’s time for you to live yours.

• Men are wired differently. What seems innocent and deep to you, might seem overwhelming and boring to your man. Also remember that for you, deep intimacy is a sacred way of displaying your love. Well, it might be “just good sex” for a man.

Surviving a break up and healing a broken heart is a necessary and urgent step for women because a broken heart might distract you from being happy in other areas of your life. Your family, friends, and co-workers deserve to be happy with you as well. They have their lives too and they simply don’t deserve seeing your red, swollen eyes and sad face 24/7.

Fixing a broken heart can be easy if you know what needs to be done. Otherwise, you will be spending tons of time, energy, money, and efforts for nothing and will end up with the same, sad, broken result.

To fix a broken heart, you must do the following:

1)    accept the situation

2)    stop swimming and marinating yourself in a pool of negative emotions

3)    switch to a positive mood

4)    understand that he (she) is your ex for a reason

5)    forget your ex

6)    move on

The Broken Heart 911 program explains how to do that in details.

Step One – Accept the Situation

Did you know that the most difficult part of each and every problem is the acceptance of this problem? Your problem seems absolutely unique and unbearable at this moment. However, you should just think that about half a million people break up each day just in the US. You are not alone. It has happened to every person who was dating at least once. If a break up has never happened to someone for some reason, it’s not a good sign at all. Having a broken heart is as natural as having a snowstorm or an earthquake. Some people might successfully avoid it and some people might have a broken heart more often than the flu.

Step Two – Stop Negative Energy

Fixing a broken heart means getting back to your normal, happy mood. You get back to being happy if you are in a bad mood all of the time. If you are charged with bad emotions, the outcome will be bad as well. The situation will not change (we discussed in Step #1 that your situation needs to be accepted) so it is always better to leave negative, irritable, and angry thoughts and actions alone.

Step Three – Switch to a Positive Mood

When you make a conscious decision to stop being negative, you have to get yourself in a good, cheerful, positive, happy mood. It’s very easy to do it if you know techniques. The Broken Heart 911 program describes all those practices in details. A few of the exercises are dedicated to learning how to switch into a great mood, control your thoughts, and feel happy.

Step Four – Understand That He (She) Is Your Ex for a Reason

Fixing a broken heart starts from realization that your beloved ex is an ex for a reason. The post break up state of mind (especially if you did not initiate the break up) has a tendency of remembering mostly the good things about your relationship. Illusions are your worst enemies and you need to remember them. If order to fix your broken heart you need to be a realist – a very strict one.

Step Five – Forget Your Ex

The headline of this step should not mislead you. It does not mean that you should totally forget who your ex is. This is possible only in the case of severe amnesia. What we mean by “forget your ex” is that you have to really pre occupy yourself with different activities that would take your mind off your ex. Sitting around and thinking of how things could’ve turned out differently is a very destructing strategy.

Step Six – Move On

This step is easier said than done. You read this and think “is she crazy? I’m supposed to move on? How can I move on if the only thing I can think of is him (her)?” I know exactly what you are thinking and how you feel. However, there is a formula for everything. If you want to get a job, you have to send out a resume. If you want to lose weight, you have to eat healthy and exercise. If you want to fix a broken heart, you have to move on.

While fixing a broken heart, there are things to remember

1)    Your heart is as broken as you let it be.

2)    Your EX is your EX for a reason

3)    Everybody has had a broke heart at least once.

4)    Life is short and it’s your choice to live it happily or miserably.

5)    Happiness is inside of you; you just have to look deeper and pull it out.