Dating

Millions of women are trying to answer an eternal question – how do I make my man happy and how do I please him in order to have a happy and healthy relationship? If you are reading this now, congratulations – you are at the right place.

So how do you please your man, how do you make a man want you, and, most importantly, how do you keep your man and make him come back again and again?

I believe that this subject should be taught in high school. Why? Because if a woman is not happy in a relationship, she is not able to concentrate on her work, family, and social life. If women knew how to operate in a relationship smoothly, they would be able to safe lots of time and positive energy for other areas of their life.

How to Please Your Man 101

Written by Lana ~ The first time I laid eyes on my ex, I thought he was the most handsome man in the world. Although after thinking about it for a minute I realized that I haven’t really seen much of the world. I was also chubby and in the middle of a weird phase, so we didn’t hit it of right away. We did become good friends though, and that lasted for two years, during which I lost weight, grew and dyed my hair, and changed my personality quite a bit.

Then, on a normal night of pigging out and watching movies at his house, he kissed me. I could lie and say it was the best kiss in the world, but honestly, the first thing that popped into my head was: “Really? This is what I’ve been waiting for?” I felt nothing, but since I waited for that moment for years, I let myself keep doing it for the next couple of weeks until it consumed me.

After we started officially dating, I gave him my body, and thought we would be together forever. I never imagined my best friend would deceive me in any way, and when it happened the first time, I forgave him without even thinking about it. “It was just a kiss” he said. So I continued to let myself fall deeper.

We did everything together, and I really thought he needed me, until the first time he said “I just don’t feel like having a girlfriend right now.” This break up had me crying for weeks, and on the days I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I called him to hang out “as friends”. Of course to him it was a chance to have sex with me without dealing with commitment.

Finally I got the strength to stay away from him for a couple weeks and before I knew it he wanted me back; I took him back without giving it another thought. Throughout our three year relationship he broke up with me the same way over twenty times and every time, when he came back I gladly accepted him.

Probably because I didn’t think anyone would love me the way he did; I was wrong. Not only was I wrong about that, I was wrong about him, because when I finally got the courage to snoop through his text’s I found the answers I tried so hard to deny in my head.

Yes, he was texting other girls, including his ex girlfriend who he had slept with behind my back numerous times. I was so devastated and furious that I stormed out of his house and told him to never speak to me again. Not too long passed before he was at my door again; this time with flowers. They were so beautiful I had to take him back, but even pretty flowers couldn’t keep us together for long and subconsciously I never really forgave him.

After our third year of breaking up, making up, lying, cheating and pretending that we were okay I went on vacation. I only spent a week in Hawaii with one of my best friends but for some odd reason when I got back home I just didn’t love him anymore. He tried all his old tricks on me but they no longer lit up my heart, and I knew I had to move on.

Sometimes I got lonely and other times when he came to me crying I wanted to just hug him and tell him that everything is okay, and I love him too, but that was no longer true. It’s been years since my break up, and now it’s very hard to look back and understand why I spent so long crying when I could have been happy, but that’s just life I guess.

Finding happiness is easy. “Yeah, right,” you might think to yourself. “If it was that easy, the world would be full of happy, smiling, problem-free people.” 

Again, I’ll repeat, finding happiness is possible for each and every person. It does not matter if you are a man or a woman, if you are eighteen or eighty, you can become happy at this particular moment. This will definitely take more than reading this article, but this read might become a first step for your happiness-on-a-daily-basis journey. 

How to Find Happiness – The 5 Main Steps

Secondly, you need to accept and love yourself the way you are now. Each and every person is different for a reason. All definitions of people’s qualities are subjective. Nobody has a license to judge. You won’t become happy until you let yourself be yourself and until you love yourself and accept yourself the way you are now. Next and most importantly, nobody is responsible for finding your happiness but you. It is very easy to sit on your behind and whine about how bad things are. It takes much more to get up and get going to really create circumstances that will make you happy. And finally, until you are in a good mood, good things won’t happen to you. There is a “catch 22” – you can’t find happiness because bad things happen, and they keep happening because you are unhappy. You need to break the circle.

• “…once you get that down, you’ll have to understand a few essential truths: men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make”.

• “He’s not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he’s got all three of those things in sync. I’m not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it.

• “But for us men? It’s everything. After we’ve attained that, it’s critical that we can show off what we get for being number one. We have to be able to flaunt it, and women have to be able to see it – otherwise, what’s the use of being number one?”

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• “Because in his world, he’s being judged by other men, based on who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. That affects his mood. If you know he’s not where he wants to be or not on track for being where he wants to be, then his mood swings at the house will make more sense to you.”

• “So if this is on his mind, and he hasn’t lined up the who he is, the what he does, and the how much he makes in the way that he sees fit, he can’t possibly be to you what he wants to be. Which means that you can’t really have the man you want. He can’t sit around talking with you, or dream about marriage and family, if his mind is on how to make money, how to get a better position, how to be the kin
  d of man he needs to be for you.”

• “The way you can help him get there is to help him focus on his dream, see the vision, and implement his plan”

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• “That’s a woman’s love – it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance. And this is exactly how you all expect us men to love you in return. Ask any woman what kind of love she wants from a man, and it will sound something like this: I want him to be humble and smart, fun and romantic, sensitive and gentle, and, above all, supportive. I want him to look in my eyes and tell me I’m beautiful and that I complete him. I want a man who is vulnerable enough to cry when he is hurting, who will introduce me to his mother with a smile on his face, who loves children and animals, and who is willing to change diapers and wash dishes and do it all without me having to ask. And if he has a nice body and lot of money and expensive shoes without scuffs, and would be great, too. Amen. Well, I’[m here to tell you that expecting that kind of love – that perfection from a man is unrealistic. That’s right, I said it- it’s not gonna happen, no way, no how. Because a man’s love isn’t like a woman’s love. Don’t get it confused, now- I’m not saying that we’re not capable of loving. I’m just saying that a man’s love is different – much more simple, direct, and probably a little harder to come by.”
• “His love is still love, though. It’s just different from the love that women give and , in a lot of cases, want.”
• 

• “If he introduces you as his “friend”, or by your name, have no doubt that’s all you are. He doesn’t think any more of you than that. In your heart of hearts, ladies, you all know this.”

• “So, if you’ve been dating a guy for at least ninety days and you’ve never met his mother, you don’t go to church together, you haven’t been around his family or his friends, and he took you to a networking/job/social function and introduced you by your name, then you are not in his plans – he doesn’t see you in his future. But the minute he assigns a title – the moment he lays claim to you in front of people who mean something to him in his life, whether it’s his boy, his sister, or his boss – that’s the minute you know your man is making a statement”.

• “If a man is in a position of being questioned about whether he’s able to provide, financially and otherwise, for the ones he loves, you might as well drop-kick his ego into an early grave. The more he can provide for his woman and his kids, the bigger and more alive he feels. Sounds simplistic, but that is the reality”.

• “And a man who truly loves you would never make you ask for money for necessities – he would make sure that you need and mostly want for nothing, because every pat on the back he gets for bringing more money into the house, every kiss he gets for handling over cash for school clothes and supplies and toys, every bit of appreciation he gets for keeping the lights and cable on, boosts his prowess as a man. That’s why if he’s a real man, he will always put buying something for himself far below his responsibility to provide for his family. His need for another set of golf clubs or expensive shoes or a fancy car or anything else men like to spend their money on will pale in comparison to providing for loved ones, because those golf clubs can’t make him square his shoulders the way true appreciation from a woman can. Consequently, everything he does is going to be about trying to make sure the woman he loves has what she needs”.

• “And if a man can’t provide, then he doesn’t feel like a man, so he flees to escape the horrible feelings of inadequacy or he’s going to bury those feelings in drugs and alcohol.”

• “Of course, some men simply refuse to share the money in their pockets with their women. AS some rap songs and hip-hop magazines tell you, these men feel they’re being “played” if they provide anything of monetary value to the opposite sex. Some men even label any and every woman who expects her intended to provide for her the very handy, decisively ugly phrase “gold digger
• 
• “I’m here to tell you, though, ladies, that the term “gold digger” is one of the traps we men set to keep you off our money trail; we created that term for you so that we can have all of our money and still get everything we want from you without u asking for or expecting this very basic, instinctual responsibility that men all over the world are obligated to assume and embrace”.

• “Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time”

• “When a man truly loves you, anybody who says, does, suggests, or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands the risk of being obliterated. Your man will destroy anything and everything in his path to make sure that whoever disrespected you pays for it. This is his nature”.

Written by Viktoria

Stood up means that your date not only did not show up, but also did not bother to explain why it happened. Of course, there were no apologies either. The false promises to go somewhere or do something together are considered stood up as well. We are not talking about waiting for a person at the time he was supposed to pick you up and his phone was off.

Stood up means a no show at the promised and scheduled time without any explanations.

Stood up is the first step towards your broken heart!

Now, let’s make it crystal clear.

If a man gets stood up by a woman there can only be three reasons:

1) Something terrible happened – you should call her and ask what happened.

2) The woman is absolutely not interested in this man and does not care to the level that she won’t communicate with him at all. If a woman is not interested, there is nothing you can do except either step back, wait and pray, or find another woman.

3) The woman has been hurt by this man and this is her little (or not so little) revenge plan. If a woman is hurt or upset, then you really need to come up with a strategy for her forgiveness, but that’s a separate topic.

If a woman gets stood up by a man, there might be too many reasons, but the main two would be:

1) Disrespect – he simply does not care enough to call and explain.

2) Fear – he knows that he is wrong, but he does not want to go through the explanation process, so he develops an “ostrich attitude”, putting his head into the sand and pretending that he cannot be seen.

What is the solution? The solution is simple. Are you familiar with the “done once” rule? All people are creatures of habits. If someone did something once, then he will do it again.

Therefore, if a man disrespected you once, then he will do it again.

You are the one who has to choose between the pleasure of spending time with this man under his conditions or respecting yourself and not letting anybody treat you like a doormat.

I advise you to listen to him once and if he will do it again, then you need to move on unless you are fine with being stood up on weekly basis. If your man does the same disrespectful things to you over and over again, then he is the wrong man for you. There are lots of available men and all it takes is to just find one.

If you believe that you will be able to change your man, then I have news for you. The only age when you can change a man is when he is in diapers.

The way your man behaves is his choice and there is nothing you can to change his choice. The only thing you can do is make your own choice that will be good for you. Moving forward with your life will be the best possible choice because you have only one life which is absolutely precious. You deserve to be happy each and every moment of your life.

Being stood up is another form of experience that people get. There is no such a thing as bad experience. According to a Chinese proverb, bad experience is an opportunity in working clothes.

And when you meet your Mr. Right-For-You, you will recognize him immediately because he won’t make you feel sad or worried.

Move on and let Mr. False Promise/No Show worry and wonder where you are now. There will be other women in his life to be stood up. If you are a lady with self respect and self confidence, you won’t join them.

Men often take women’s caring, sweetness, and kindness for a weakness…big mistake!

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Contributed by Richard Childs

Facebook has fouled the dating world a whole lot. You have to ask a lot of questions when you are reading someone’s profile: Is this information a true representation of the person or an online avatar of what makes them look the best?  The anonymity of the internet has given people the courage to write anything. Self doubt coupled with the freedom to develop an online avatar of themselves has caused many an uncomfortable first date. Confidence in yourself and being real about yourself online is a major component of being successful in general. Being overly revealing is also a bain to your success. “Does everyone really need to know this factoid?” is a heavy question that you need to ask when making a profile.

Humans are inquisitive by nature. Facebook is like stalker heroine. I find grand irony in the fact that Zuckerberg ended up having a horribly invasive stalker in his life. With all good things comes a down side. The reconnecting with old friends, family, and former coworkers is great and its effect on freedom to seek information in repressive regimes has propagated freedom all over the globe.  Despite all the relationships that it has destroyed,  all the Facebook bullying, drunken booty calls, and breakfast menu updates, the freedom it has allowed and the democracy it has promoted is phenomenal.

With all of this said, I can easily assume that Facebook is most likely one of the leading factors in fractured relationships (and broken heart reason). Facebook has so many uses: self promotion, business promotion, informed living, true relationship building, and faux importance building. If you are interested in a person or in the early stages of dating, then you need to stay off their page or limit the depth of which you are digging, especially if they are using their page for business or personal promotion. You will be driven insane with assumptions regarding why this person is contacting them or whose status they have liked. ‘Age: number of friends’ ratio is important. If they are 18-25:500-700 friends are normal, and for their age group they are adept at Facebook and grew up with social networking. Stalking and liking most of their statuses is not as faux pa. If they are 25-35:200-400 friends can be normal but Facebook stalking is less accepted. 35-40:150-250 is normal and Facebook stalking may turn them off quickly. This is the ‘but’ and it’s a big one.  If you see a person that exceeds these numbers and has no interest in self promotion of services, ideals, products, or business then they may be friend collectors and sorting through all of their contacts will drive you battier than trying to decipher the meanings of the symbolism in the TV series “Lost” or trying to decipher the drunken text of your philosophy student friend. Get to know the person, and then their profile will make more sense, if any at all.

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Contributed by Richard Childs Entertainer

Our world has changed and we have changed how we seek love and how we define love itself.  Everything has a metamorphosis and has to evolve to be relevant.  Dating did not even exist a couple centuries ago.  Courtship was the most prevalent form of finding a mate.  Everyone was vetted by the family and there was little contact while separate from a chaperone.  Some may say that this is impossible in today’s modern dating climate.  I actually know someone who went through the courtship ritual and married not too long ago.   Arranged marriages still happen in certain countries such India. India’s approach to matchmaking is totally different than mostly any other place.  Professional Indian women approach dating as if they are looking for business partner, they see the early stages of finding a date from a purely intellectual perspective.  They look over resumes of the men that they are interested and evaluate them for genetics, earning potential and other criteria.

Attraction has many different levels:  physical, chemical, emotional, genetic, fiscal, and intellectual.  The only difference for most people is how they prioritize these elements.  Everyone is different, and thus the complexity of finding a mate.  The Indian approach varies but could be weighted in this order: Intellectual, fiscal, genetic, physical, chemical, and then emotional.  This is based on culture, and although many are appalled that someone would consider this manner of mate selection. This is their manner and it in no way effects you unless you apart of the process.  We must respect this.

Individualism is the unique trait that makes mankind an amalgam of eclectic personalities.  You have to understand this to know that stereotypes are a starter point but not the rule.   This is where the algorithm of the dating sites can go wrong.  A participant in internet dating is mainly intellectual exercise.  This is why the success rate of successful coupling for internet sites is so low.  The lack of personal interaction makes it harder for us to find our true mate.  Interpersonal chemistry is the key point to a successful relationship.  Many things in history looked good on paper but when put into practice they failed miserably; the Hindenburg, the titanic, or Sarah Palin’s attempt to garner votes from the African American vote through learning ebonics.  On the other hand many things that no one thought would work, were astronomical success.  Just because someone misrepresented themselves on their profile to cover what they thought was their shortcomings, doesn’t mean that you won’t like the actual person.   Low self esteem doesn’t mean that this person doesn’t have great potential.  Many people just need someone to believe in them, so that they can achieve their true potential.

Idealism is one of the major inhibitors for a person’s dating success.  Many people spend so much mental energy sculpting what they think is their ideal mate.   This exercise is easy to get caught up in and detrimental to finding a mate.  What we think we want and what we need can be totally different.  This is aggravated when you are asked all those questions on those dating sites.   Depending on your state of mind and your past experience with those issues; can change how we answer.   A bad experience with a person that holds the traits or habits will make you think that even though you may have liked those things before, you no longer do because of your past experience.   This is when you have to do some true soul searching to decide if you dislike the action or the person that soured you to this.  This is when our weighting of stereotypes can shut you off from an entire segment of people. Example:  I dated a lawyer and they were self absorbed, needy, was a cheater and an abuser. When you meet the next lawyer who you might be attracted to, then your past experience hampers this possible relationship.

Expectations are heavy in new relationships.  Men and women think differently and desire some of the same things but also function differently.  Shared interests are a tad overrated.  This is another place that algorithmic dating sites fail.   If you had plugged my parents into one of the modern dating websites, the chances would have been better to win the lottery than them to be paired together.  They had very few shared interests other than each other.  I saw my father joyfully do things with my mother that he would have never choose to do on his own because he wanted to do things with her.   Every action my father ever did in his life was to benefit her and thus benefit their coupling.  She stood by and cared for him through a six year battle with cancer, and they had over thirty years of happiness together.   They were even a result of a blind date orchestrated by my mother’s aunt.

The information age has so many on overload and knowing to much about the person or knowing to much of what a person thinks you need to know can be bad for dating.  Sharing interests is important on some level of chemistry, but not the defining marker of compatibility.  It is easy to assume that since someone only watches reality shows, and reads frivolous novels that they have a lower intellect.  However do you consider that their job is overly intellectual, and on some level boring so they escape into to other’s drama and need to power down the thinker and just enjoy watching odd people acting stupid.  It is also easy to assume that since all their shows are intellectual and all their books are deep and provocative, but again people have the choose to paint themselves as they please.   They may say that they love the “Big Bang Theory”, and their intellect could be geographically closer to “The Jersey Shores”.

If you put a lot of weight on their interest then when you talk to them in person, casually bring up your shared interests.  Passion will arise if they really like them.  They will have interesting stories and fun factoids.   So many have caught people in profile pimping, when you casually bring up a shared interest and they have no real interest.   Again not a reason to write them off get to know the person because many people have passion paranoia:  “if she knows I have a enormous collections of gnomes then she will never like me, but if I don’t tell her then she will not get me one for my birthday” or “If he knows that I like ‘clown on midget’ porn, he will think I am a nut…I wonder if he has likes oversized shoes”.  Although these are extremely funny examples, still substitute your fetish qualm or oddity and see if they are really a deal breaker or a nuance that makes you different but not weird.   When you have a perceived weirdosity then play a drunken game of truth or dare and go with it.

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Another time…there is always another time but all people understand that in reality there might not be another time. You and him might have as many reasons to see each other as you do to not see each other. You never know; you might miss one opportunity and life will give you another opportunity at the time you were supposed to be with this person. However, everything happens for the best and for a reason

“There is always another time” in a way is a synonym of “monkey see, monkey do.”

12 Reasons for Women to See Men Another Time

1. If a man is not clear about whether he wants to see you or not and can’t choose between you and watching a game, boys night out, a poker game, visiting his mother, etc., then it’s not the right time yet.

2. If a man says “I’ll call you” and he actually means “anytime before I die”, let other women to see this man.  Remember, a call is an action, not a condition.

3. If a man wants you to be exclusive with him, but he is not sure if he is going to be exclusive with you, then perhaps you need to see him another time, unless you would like to join his harem. I hope you are aware that sleeping with a man in a way means sleeping with his women and their other men.

4. If a man is “busy” every weekend, and the only time he has is on weekdays, then you might need to see him another time…next year perhaps? Unless it’s casual sex or booty calls, dating a special person is about spending at least one of your weekend evenings together

5. If a man does not return your calls within one or two days, it’s better to see him another time.

6. If a man practices hibernation or disappearing acts (especially after hot sex), then you should definitely see him another time – when his hibernation is permanently over.

7. If a man does not acknowledge Valentine’s Day, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and your birthday with flowers and gifts, then it’s better to meet another time and preferably with another man. You can let go of Halloween and the 4^th of July, but hello, Valentine’s Day is a must!

8. If you have too many questions about your man, but can’t even get some answers – there is always another time

9. If the man has a couple thousand Facebook “friends” who wear lingerie in their profile picture and a significant amount of them post on his wall about how delighted they would be to see him soon, perhaps you need to let them do it and…see man another time.

10. If a man thinks that a relationship equals having sex when he is available or has no idea what a relationship is and what it’s for, then you might need to see him another time.

11. If a man is on a date with you, but suddenly starts paying attention to another woman, it’s cool…but not with you…so you might need to see him another time.

12. IF A MAN HAS A DESIRE TO SEE YOU, HE’LL FIND LOTS OF OPPORTUNITIES; IF HE HAS NO DESIRE TO SEE YOU, HE’LL FIND TONS OF REASONS.   THEREFORE, IF HE HAS NO DESIRE TO SEE YOU, THEN YOU MIGHT NEED TO SEE HIM ANOTHER TIME!

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Sherry Argov Quotes

• Once a man begins to lose respect for a woman because she is willing to subtly devalue herself, he will also lose the desire to get closer to her.

• There are two types of sexy. The woman who is obviously trying to be sexy. Then there is the woman who isn’t trying to be sexy – she just is. Most guys find the second one to be much sexier.

• What would happen if you let him know from day one that you re willing to bend over backward? He’d think you’re desperate, and he’d want to see just how far you’d be willing to bend. It’s human nature.

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• Overcompensating or being too eager to please will lessen a man’s respect; it will give the kiss of death to his attraction, and it will put a time limit on the relationship

• Women are conditioned to give themselves away. I have yet to see a men’s magazine with an article on how to cook a woman a four-course meal. The closest they ever come to a recipe is in the bodybuilder section, when they tell guys to mix up a few egg whites with some wheat germ.

• When you react emotionally, it gives him a feeling of control. And if you react emotionally frequently, over time he will come to see you as less of a mental challenge. If he can’t predict how you’ll always react, you remain a challenge.

• A man will always want what he can’t have. When a man meets a woman and she seems nonchalant, it becomes a challenge for him to win her affections.

• What women need to understand is that when a man considers a woman to be a prize, looks have very little to do with it. In the above example, it was a simple mind trick that goes like this; She acted like a prize, and then a funny thing happened. He completely forgot who he was looking at.

• Never assume you are not attractive enough, and therefore you have to overcompensate or chase a man. Taste is subjective. One man’s “ugly” is another man’s “beautiful”. The first date is about looks. When he falls in love, it’s about your attitude. It’s about whether you can hold your own. Which is all about how you hold yourself.

• The issue is not whether you turn him on; it’s whether he stays turned on after he has been satisfied. This is the key.

• It started when he was a kid. When he received a toy for Christmas that he didn’t even ask for, he played with it for a while five minutes. The toy he cherished was the one he bought with two months’ allowance that sat on the top shelf in the toy store. He couldn’t reach it but went in to look at it all the time.

• To give a man too much reassurance too soon is the same as over watering a plant. It kills it.

• Women need to understand that men love the “thrill of the chase” and are highly competitive. They like racing cars, engaging in athletics, and hunting. They like to fix things, to figure things out, to pursue.

• ….a man wants something he’ll go after it, and going after it makes him want it even more. If he doesn’t succeed right away, he starts to crave it. It captures his interest and excites his imagination.

• …men often admitted that if the sex was too easy to get, it was not that great. It’s like blackjack. If he wins big right up front, he’s done for the night.

• The objective while dating is not to be mean. It’s to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him be a man. It’s easy to understand his nature because it is our human nature, too.

• Whenever you make him feel as thought he has to see you, it will feel like work. When it’s not an obligation to see you, the very same thing will feel like pleasure.

• Men like things that are difficult. They like to drive stick-shift automobiles. They like to jump out of airplanes, and hey like to climb mountains. They like to do the impossible. Therefore, when he has to go out of his way to see you, he is actually happier. I will not feel like work for him.

• Eventually you won’t want to be around her because you won’t feel as thought she is contributing to your friendship. That’s how a guy feels when you are too dependent on him. It becomes a burden if you lean on him too much. He is only human, and he has his own problems. Show him that you’ll be an equal partner, which means that you also have something to contribute.

• He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.

• This is also why giving him space is so important. It makes you look proud rather then desperate. It enables you to remain a challenge indefinitely. Why? You chose to be with him. You didn’t need to be. As a person, you feel you are complete with him or without him.

• In general, there are two things a woman does to encourage a man to fall madly in love after he is attracted to her. First, she appeals to his imagination, sexually. Second, she waits a little while before consummating the relationship, sexually.

• What men don’t want women to know is that, almost immediately, they put women into one of two categories: “good time only” or “worthwhile”. And the minute he slides you into that “good time only” category, you’ll almost never come back out. It’s not that the bitch is slutty or more conservative – it’s that she demands that the treat her as thought she is “worthwhile”. And, more often that not, it means revealing her sexuality a little at a time. With her demeanor, the bitch is subtly “driving the train”.

• The doormat is more likely to be perceived as a pushover sexually because she’s more likely to sleep with a man for the wrong reasons – and much too soon. It has nothing to do with whether she appears conservative. Whether her style is long skirts and a ponytail and she attends napkin-folding class or she wears sexy clothes and seems like a party girl – the outcome can be the same. In either scenario, if she has sex with a man because she feels she needs to do so in order to win him, he’ll sense it and begin to lose respect for her.

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“I hate valentines day!” is the most common phrase said by single people in their most despised holiday – Single Awareness Day. There are reasons behind this saying because society puts tremendous pressure on currently single people.

People who are single by choice suddenly start feeling anxiety and doubts about their lifestyles. “What if…” they think. This means “What if I made the wrong choice, what if I had gotten married, what if I had concentrated on looking for my potential significant other?” Those multiple “ifs” twirl inside of their heads 24/7 as soon as they are trigged by multiple red ads with heart shaped objects.

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People who are single by choice usually win those inner battles pretty quickly and do not acknowledge the “V” holiday at all. They pretend it does not exist. However, this group of people is not that big. The largest “I hate Valentines Day” group is people who went through a dramatic break up. They either just cured their broken heart or still have it. Those people would give up lots of things in their lives in order to be held by someone who loves them on Valentines Day. Of course, 90% of those people are women.

Unfortunately, the real situation is not that simple. Those single people who dread being single on Valentines Day put a tremendous amount of pressure, anxiety, jealousy, and negativity on themselves. This is very dangerous because it can not only damage their health, but can also attract negative events in other areas of their lives (work, family, social, etc). Their inner moaning and crying about their exes might lead to not only multiple diseases (if they have kids under thirteen years old, the kids might get sick), but also to unemployment, loss of business, and conflicts with family and friends.

Dear people whose favorite mantra is “I Hate Valentines Day!”, stop chanting it right now. You have to switch your attention. If you don’t know how to do it, the Broken Heart 911 program has a whole chapter dedicated to this subject

Why don’t you treat Valentines Day like Martin Luther King Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, or Veterans Day? You don’t have a date? Great! It is much better to be meaningfully single than to be alone within the couple. Go out and watch people. You will be surprised how many couples are “on duty” because “they have to do valentine rituals.” Yes, there are lots of happy couples and it’s great. However, if you are not in a happy or at least functional relationship, it is better to be single. You don’t have to be completed. The “to be complete” myth was created by the sales department of the first matchmaking service.

There are several ideas for single people on how to spend Valentines Day:

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• Is there something that you have always wanted to do, but never had extra time or budget? Do it on Valentines Day whether it is trying a pole dancing class, doing a seaweed wrap, or buying a useless but beautiful piece of jewelry.

• Do you have a single friend or relative who you haven’t seen in a while? Go see this person. Perhaps you have your favorite niece who can’t wait to see you or your little sister who never gets your attention. If you are a single parent, spend your time with your kid doing something fun. Trust me, her (his) memories will be more valuable in the long term than spending time with “whoever was available.”

• Splurge on anything you want that would make you feel good.

• Go see a great movie, play, or concert.

• Remember that you are not the only one. You just feel like it. There are millions of people who are in the same boat as you.

Read this blog. We are going to create a month long Valentines section that will be dedicated to making all single and broken hearted people feel good. Instead of thinking “I hate Valentines Day”, think “Let me make this Valentines Day the first day of my new, happy life.” Some people make New Year Resolution, you make a Valentines Day Resolution that will be the first stair on a large ladder of your future happiness.

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