First Date

Written by Lana ~ The first time I laid eyes on my ex, I thought he was the most handsome man in the world. Although after thinking about it for a minute I realized that I haven’t really seen much of the world. I was also chubby and in the middle of a weird phase, so we didn’t hit it of right away. We did become good friends though, and that lasted for two years, during which I lost weight, grew and dyed my hair, and changed my personality quite a bit.

Then, on a normal night of pigging out and watching movies at his house, he kissed me. I could lie and say it was the best kiss in the world, but honestly, the first thing that popped into my head was: “Really? This is what I’ve been waiting for?” I felt nothing, but since I waited for that moment for years, I let myself keep doing it for the next couple of weeks until it consumed me.

After we started officially dating, I gave him my body, and thought we would be together forever. I never imagined my best friend would deceive me in any way, and when it happened the first time, I forgave him without even thinking about it. “It was just a kiss” he said. So I continued to let myself fall deeper.

We did everything together, and I really thought he needed me, until the first time he said “I just don’t feel like having a girlfriend right now.” This break up had me crying for weeks, and on the days I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I called him to hang out “as friends”. Of course to him it was a chance to have sex with me without dealing with commitment.

Finally I got the strength to stay away from him for a couple weeks and before I knew it he wanted me back; I took him back without giving it another thought. Throughout our three year relationship he broke up with me the same way over twenty times and every time, when he came back I gladly accepted him.

Probably because I didn’t think anyone would love me the way he did; I was wrong. Not only was I wrong about that, I was wrong about him, because when I finally got the courage to snoop through his text’s I found the answers I tried so hard to deny in my head.

Yes, he was texting other girls, including his ex girlfriend who he had slept with behind my back numerous times. I was so devastated and furious that I stormed out of his house and told him to never speak to me again. Not too long passed before he was at my door again; this time with flowers. They were so beautiful I had to take him back, but even pretty flowers couldn’t keep us together for long and subconsciously I never really forgave him.

After our third year of breaking up, making up, lying, cheating and pretending that we were okay I went on vacation. I only spent a week in Hawaii with one of my best friends but for some odd reason when I got back home I just didn’t love him anymore. He tried all his old tricks on me but they no longer lit up my heart, and I knew I had to move on.

Sometimes I got lonely and other times when he came to me crying I wanted to just hug him and tell him that everything is okay, and I love him too, but that was no longer true. It’s been years since my break up, and now it’s very hard to look back and understand why I spent so long crying when I could have been happy, but that’s just life I guess.

Congratulations, he invited you out.  This is your first date. You look polished and chic. You both feel a spark of chemistry. Before the first round of drinks gets to the table, you already imagine how cute your mutual kids will be. Did you invision your wedding dress and honeymoon as well? Wake up!
The first date is all about getting to know each other. You won’t move either if sex is your only mutual interest. Men DO want to have a great girlfriend, but in order to become that girlfriend he has to like your personality as well as your body.

Question NOT to ask on the first date if you are looking forward to something serious:

1)    How much money do you make?
2)    What car do you drive?
3)    Do I look fat in this dress?
4)    Are you looking for a serious relationship or just fun?
5)    How many kids do you want to have?
6)    When was the last time you had sex?
7)    What does your medical record look like?
8)    Do you date other women?
9)    Do you like shopping?
10) Tell me about your ex.

Questions you SHOULD ask on the first date.

1)    What are your hobbies?
2)    Did the Lakers win yesterday?
3)    What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you?
4)    Do you like dark beer?
5)    Would you ever consider jumping with a parachute?
6)    What’s your favorite joke? (Please tell me)
7)    What’s your favorite band/movie?
8)    If you had unlimited possibilities what would you like to do?
9)    What’s the worst thing that can happen on the first date?
10) If you could have one date with any celebrity who would it be?

You just had a great date. There was a spark of chemistry, a great conversation, tons of compliments, and hints on many more great dates.

However, he never called again. Why?

I’m sure every woman has at least one story like this in her “little dating book”.
What happened after the first date? Was it a bad first date? Why didn’t he call?

1) He got afraid of your position

– do you know that men between 30 and 40 years old think that the worst occupation for women are (hold tight) dentists, fitness instructors, executives in big companies, police officers and the leading one is… THERAPISTS (sad, huh).
2)   His mom didn’t like you

– if he took you to his mom, you gotta be happy that things didn’t work out.
3)   Your social status is not good enough for him.
4)   He couldn’t handle your social status.
5)   You didn’t try to impress him, but it was obvious that you are too much for him.
6)   Your date was in a wrong place.
7)   Your date happened at a wrong time.
8)   You were a “smart mouth.”
9)   You confessed that you are divorced and you have kids.
10)   You have different view points towards life.
11)   You implied that you had too many men.
12)   You started to make mutual plans.
13)   Your sense of humor was too much for him.
14)   You brought your friend to a date.
15)   You lied about yourself.
16)   You acted too sexy.
17)   You criticized yourself too much.
18)   Your tempers are different.
19)   You are not his type.
20)   You are not emotionally available.
21)   He is not emotionally available.
22)   It just didn’t work out –

Well, he lost your card, his phone got stolen, he went on a trip and got stuck there for 2 years. You went to have a lunch with a co-worker and he hugged you while HE drove by. He called you and your sister joked that you are getting married this weekend. Well, there are too many stories like this and when he didn’t call, we hope that he is really on number 22.

You just had a great date. There was a spark of chemistry, a great conversation, tons of compliments, and hints on many more great dates.

However, he never called again. Why?

I’m sure every woman has at least one story like this in her “little dating book”.
What happened after the first date? Was it a bad first date? Why didn’t he call?
1)      He was just relaxing on this date.

Some men just relax over a nice dinner and conversation and they don’t mean to turn this great time into something serious. Don’t get upset. If he said that there is no future, what would it look like? Count this as a new experience.
2)      You two have different “speeds.”

If you think that you have to date for three months (as your grandma taught your mom) and he asks “your place or mine” then you are on totally different pages.
3)      He got scared.

Scared of what? Well, just got scared. Feelings, responsibility, competition, or luck of them as well as your beauty or own sexual problems. Just you as “super woman” in his life can sound scary to him.
4)      You weren’t ethical enough.

You asked to go to a very expensive restaurant or were too curious about what car he drives (and he took a taxi). You laughed at him when he couldn’t use chopsticks or commented sarcastically on his mutual friends. Be careful, men are too sensitive.
5)      You talked too much about yourself.

He doesn’t need to know that your grandma got married five times, that your boss is a jerk, that your best friend dates a Chinese guy, and that your cat is about to give birth
6)      You were quiet as a fish.

Well, if it happened once, just forgive yourself, but if it’s your standard behavior…you have to see a therapist
7)      He was a person who specializes on “tests.”

He is testing women just to prove to himself that not one woman deserves HIM (because he is a gift).
8)      You counted on a serious relationship with him.

Men are hunters, so as soon as they sense a trap, they disappear.
9)      You invaded his personal territory.

Examples: You sit too close, you went through his phone when he went to the bathroom, took his gold lighter without permission, asked “so what days do you go to the gym? Oh really? What time?” – this would be a major red light.
10)   You were bored, and he felt it.