Get Your Ex Back

We had a very bad break up, how could I fix it?” is a very common question. Please don’t trick yourself with the addicting word, “bad”. Just face the fact that your relationship just ended.

What if you had a good break up? Imagine that your man who you spent a few years with you and who you loved to death invited you to a five start restaurant, giving you a present and saying, “you are the most beautiful and smart woman I’ve ever met, goodbye forever.” And you would answer “Thank you for the beautiful dinner, goodbye” and leave with a smile. Now that is what I call a happy end.

Well, I’m sure a “bad break up” for you means at least a couple of scratches on his face, throwing a few dozen items at him, a couple hundred curses, and a at least a thousand uses of the same words during “girls night out” describing his behavior and personality.

Now, stop blaming yourself and him for a second. You broke up. The end. This is not the end of your world, but the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Personally, I love break-ups. Not that I’m enjoying them as an activity, but I like to remove sad feelings and feel excited about the near future and a figurative new life. As soon as you emotionally clean up the space, something better will show up.

The end of an old relationship means a new and better relationship. While reading this, you might become angry and sarcastic. You might  say “what is she talking about, he was my only chance because he is…blah blah blah.: Yes, if you will become negative, angry, non exceptive, self destructive, and a mean witch who can’t look at a happy couple, then I agree. You will continue to swim in an ocean of pity and negativity and there will be no future.

I keep repeating this phrase in each and every article on purpose. Like attracts like! That’s why, first of all, you have to stop using the word, “bad”. If you weren’t civil during the break up, it means that you need to do some work on your personality. And if you are serious about going towards happiness and meeting your true soulmate, then you will work on yourself.

But now your main goal is to get over the break up. And the first thing you’ll do is stop using word, “bad”. Time cures everything. You never know, maybe in six months you’ll see the person who you hit with a frying pan yesterday. You might be already wearing an engagement ring, you’ll apologize, and you both will laugh.

As soon as you stop using word, “bad”, you have to accept that a “break up” happened and it’s something you have to live with. Trust me, a break up isn’t any worse than an earthquake, immigration, or death. Many people live with those events and learn how be become happy again. If they could, you can too, it’s just a question of what you want. Being happy is a constant work, but it gives you happiness and joy. Being miserable is easy, but…you’ll be miserable.

The bottom line is that it does not matter what label your break up has. It happened and you have to become constructive.

Here are 5 things that you need to do in order not to feel bad about a “bad break up”

1) A break up is a break up and the labels, “good” and “bad”, won’t bring back your love.

2) Nothing lasts forever in this world.

3) You have to accept the fact that the break up took place. Acceptance will help you move on.

4) Even you didn’t behave like a lady, just forgive yourself. Learn your lesson and never repeat it again.

5) Every circumstance means different things for different people. For someone, “bad” means not getting a goodbye kiss and for someone else, “bad” means getting drunk and almost killing an ex. Just let it go. Life will straighten everything up, this is the purpose of life…

Reason #2 – Don’t look for the future in your past, the future is in the future.

I know exactly how it feels: that your future is empty and meaningless without Him (Her). Do all of the following things, and it will make your life better:

Convince yourself that you are on a strict diet and think of him (her) as a craving.

If you are like most people, then you know that the first days of a diet are always the most difficult because we desperately crave something we should not have – like ice cream, chocolate or French fries. But if we stay strong for a few days, we can get used to living without those desperate cravings of ours. The latest studies prove that the cravings we have in our minds last for only five minutes, so if we can stay strong and get over those cravings, they will go away.

If you think of him (her) as a “craving” and remember that all cravings disappear after just 5 minutes of will power, you will survive and be a stronger person for it.

Like every diet, sometimes it gets too hard dealing with your cravings. So when your craving for him becomes overwhelming just promise yourself that in six months you will allow yourself a little piece of HIM (HER) – what I mean is that all you need to satisfy this deep rooted craving is a phone call to hear his (her) voice live or on his answering machine. You will feel so much better for these two reasons:

1) You CAN handle your cravings- Congratulations! This is a tremendous accomplishment in your life. You are on your way to recovery.

2) By the time six months has rolled around and you make that phone call, you might not even need him anymore. You might have lost ten pounds and look great, you might have a new job, you might have met a new TRUE LOVE.

He (she) is the one who has lost YOU. It is not the other way around!

Every life is precious. Every person has good inside of them. Every person wants to be liked, and every person not only wants to be loved, but NEEDS LOVE.

Remember that yesterday is gone and that he (she) is part of the past. You know how much you loved him (her), you remember all those things you did for him (her) and how much it hurt to know that he (she) walked out on you and may already be with somebody else.

You are a beautiful person even if you have made some mistakes, and have been a poor judge of character. We are only human.

Reason #1 – “Done it Once…”

If a person has done something to you once, he is going to do it again. People are programmed to operate a certain way.

If you are thinking I’m wrong and that that isn’t true, that maybe he just made a mistake, I can tell you without hesitation right here and now that whatever he did to you was not a mistake. It was his nature. It is who and what he is all about. If a guy cheats on you just once, it is not “by mistake.” Ok, maybe it was a mistake, as though it was too dark and he mixed you up with some other girl. Is that what you call a mistake?

I don’t care how many times he screams and shouts and swears to you that it’s never going to happen again. It is just not true. It will happen again AND again. Maybe not anytime soon, but it will happen again for sure.

If any guy lies to you once, he will lie to you again AND again.

If your man “disappears” for a day or a week just once, he will do it again. And there you are sitting and crying and sobbing a river of tears wondering where he went. “What did he do? Why is this happening to me?”

If he breaks up with you once, and you take him back, he will break up with you again. Are you a rug that men can walk all over with their dirty shoes?

These things happen to girls all the time. And just about every girl believes she is good enough and strong enough to get him to change. But you know what? Even if you think that you have broken his bad habits, and believe that he will change for you, there is a 99.99% likelihood he will do it all over again.

I can hear you shouting at me, saying “Erica, but I got him back and I swear he stopped doing that. He loves me, he is not cheating on me, he never lies…anymore, I mean.”

Fine, let’s say I believe you, because there is always a chance, like I said before.

However, it’s gonna take you a lot more than 21 days of hard work. Because to make it work out like you say, you really have to change your whole way of thinking and behaving, and adopt a whole new attitude. What I’m saying is that you just have to become a totally new person, and break away from the person he met back then: the person he screwed over.

One thing I can tell you for sure is this: change yourself and your whole world changes. “LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.” What I’m saying is that if there is a guy you are just aching to be with, you have to understand that by feeling and acting the same old way, you have made it impossible for yourself to ever be with him. In order to turn that situation around and make it work, or at least give yourself the best chance for it to work, you are just going to have to change.

I know this may strike you as confusing but once you become a “different person,” you probably won’t be interested in this guy you are dying to be with. And you know why? Because he will not excite the NEW YOU.

One of my clients had a long distance relationship and hadn’t seen her ex boyfriend in over eight months. She kept going on and on, telling me she couldn’t get him out of her mind.

I kept telling her that she had to forget him and get on with her life. She refused and asked me why. I told her “It’s because the guy who left you represents who you were the moment you met him. And that was well over a year ago.” I told her that she had changed but he hadn’t, and that he would always be the same.

Let me explain what I’m talking about because you might not be familiar with this concept.

Every man you met represents you at the moment you meet him. He is the reflection of your inner self. If you want only money, life might send you a heartless millionaire who can provide you with financial resources. And when you honestly fall for him, and ask why he is not able to love you back, brace yourself for the answer – it’s because of the money you wanted so much in the first place. If you wanted sex at that moment, life would have sent you a sex machine to satisfy you.

LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE! If you succeed in getting him back into your life, strap on your seat belt because now your life will be an emotional roller coaster with more ups and downs than the stock market.

Every person in our lives is there for a reason. They teach us things at particular times in our growth as human beings.

If today you met your best friend for the very first time (the same best friend you met in reality ten years ago) you may not have anything in common – you may not even like each other. Why? Because today, you are not the same person you were ten years ago when you met your best friend and you needed him and he needed you, and you gave each other what needed to be given.