Written by Lana ~ The first time I laid eyes on my ex, I thought he was the most handsome man in the world. Although after thinking about it for a minute I realized that I haven’t really seen much of the world. I was also chubby and in the middle of a weird phase, so we didn’t hit it of right away. We did become good friends though, and that lasted for two years, during which I lost weight, grew and dyed my hair, and changed my personality quite a bit.
Then, on a normal night of pigging out and watching movies at his house, he kissed me. I could lie and say it was the best kiss in the world, but honestly, the first thing that popped into my head was: “Really? This is what I’ve been waiting for?” I felt nothing, but since I waited for that moment for years, I let myself keep doing it for the next couple of weeks until it consumed me.
After we started officially dating, I gave him my body, and thought we would be together forever. I never imagined my best friend would deceive me in any way, and when it happened the first time, I forgave him without even thinking about it. “It was just a kiss” he said. So I continued to let myself fall deeper.
We did everything together, and I really thought he needed me, until the first time he said “I just don’t feel like having a girlfriend right now.” This break up had me crying for weeks, and on the days I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I called him to hang out “as friends”. Of course to him it was a chance to have sex with me without dealing with commitment.
Finally I got the strength to stay away from him for a couple weeks and before I knew it he wanted me back; I took him back without giving it another thought. Throughout our three year relationship he broke up with me the same way over twenty times and every time, when he came back I gladly accepted him.
Probably because I didn’t think anyone would love me the way he did; I was wrong. Not only was I wrong about that, I was wrong about him, because when I finally got the courage to snoop through his text’s I found the answers I tried so hard to deny in my head.
Yes, he was texting other girls, including his ex girlfriend who he had slept with behind my back numerous times. I was so devastated and furious that I stormed out of his house and told him to never speak to me again. Not too long passed before he was at my door again; this time with flowers. They were so beautiful I had to take him back, but even pretty flowers couldn’t keep us together for long and subconsciously I never really forgave him.
After our third year of breaking up, making up, lying, cheating and pretending that we were okay I went on vacation. I only spent a week in Hawaii with one of my best friends but for some odd reason when I got back home I just didn’t love him anymore. He tried all his old tricks on me but they no longer lit up my heart, and I knew I had to move on.
Sometimes I got lonely and other times when he came to me crying I wanted to just hug him and tell him that everything is okay, and I love him too, but that was no longer true. It’s been years since my break up, and now it’s very hard to look back and understand why I spent so long crying when I could have been happy, but that’s just life I guess.
Broken heart, break up, dysfunctional relationship, opinionated kids, problems at work or even a work absence along with mean fall weather and a global economy crisis are not the best conditions to spend days in your best mood.
There are tons of mood descriptive terms such as hypochondria, melancholy, boredom, longing, and despair. However, all of those terms won’t be found in medical books. Medical sources operate with two main concepts of “stress” and “depression.”
People who try to fight their bad mood need to know the difference between “stress” and “depression” as well as know that they are closely related to each other.
Irritability, a short temper, and anxiety are the main stress symptoms. Each and every person should be very careful with those symptoms because stress will not forgive the careless attitude. If you neglect your nervous system, you stress can turn into depression.
Therefore, we have to fight a bad mood and do every thing we can in order to be in a good mood. The sooner we start, the better our chances and results will be.
Let’s make an adjustment on the agreement – we recommend a no shopping and no food (especially sweets) therapy. Shopping will have a negative intact on your budget and food will get you out of shape (it might be the reason for the secondary wave of stress later).
Tip 1 – Wash Your Stress Away
Go to a spa and treat yourself with sauna, steam room, massages, facials, or any other procedure. Sounds simple, but all water procedures wash stress away. If you can’t afford a spa or don’t have time, you can either go to a good sports club (even if you are not a member, you can easily get a free pass) or you can go to any luxury hotel in you area. You don’t have to buy the full spa service. Most of the hotels will let you in for a minimal fee and you can spend as much time as you want near the pool and other amenities.
If even those options are not an option – take an old fashioned, warm bubbly bath with lots of lit candles and mellow music. Buy fresh mint and brew mint tea with lemon, honey, and a shot of cognac. You will feel brand new afterwards.
Tip #2 – Laugh Like a Kid
You should feel free to laugh at every opportunity, even non appropriate sometimes. A good laugh benefits not only your mood, but your health in general. Even if you don’t feel like laughing, laugh anyways. Studies prove that artificial laugher becomes genuine and contagious eventually.
Tip # 3 – Surround Yourself With Bright Colors
In a lot of cases, fall mood swings are results of light deficiency. In order to compensate this luck, you should surround yourself with bright colors. Stop saving electricity and add more light to your room.
Research color psychology and find out what color you would need to have around the most. Change your curtain and covers. Oranges and tangerines will remind you of sun. Fill your vase with bright fruits. Buy fresh flowers and place them in your living room (no flowers in the bedroom, according to feng shui).
Tip # 4 – Become Your Own Adventure Tour Guide
What would be an extreme experience for you – sky diving, roller coaster riding, or wall climbing? There are so many unexplored activities. Do any of them and your mood will be constantly lifted. In order to increase this effect, shamelessly brag about your experience and courage, especially to people who would not believe you.
Tip # 5 – Help Someone Who Feels Even Worse Than You Do
If you think that you’ve got problems, I’d love to assure you that there are many people who have much deeper problems. Find a person who has more problems than you do and help him (her). At the very least you can listen, sympathize, cheer up, and make him (her) feel better. Altruism not only reduces stress, but also improves your immune and cardiovascular system.
Tip # 6 – Get a Pet
Studies done by the University of California showed that keeping and communicating with a pet produces the serotonin, happiness hormone. Serotonin lifts your mood in fifteen-twenty minutes. Visit friends who own pets and play with their cats or dogs. You can even go to you local pet store and watch a fish swimming or a bird singing.
Tips # 7 Connect to Nature
Spending time near flowers, woods, or water will switch your negative energy. Sunrises and sunsets are the best time to connect with nature. Go watch waves for half an hour, take a hike, or just sit in the nearest park and your mood will improve.
Exercise: if can watch the sun rising or setting, inhale and slowly count until ten. At the same time, imagine the stream of silver energy going from the sun and wrapping you as a space suit and filling you with happiness. When you exhale, picture yourself keeping this silver energy suit on. Sometimes you don’t even leave the office in order to do this exercise. What you need is a window and the sun.
Please, tell us what you do to lift your mood
There is no better time for your life makeover then when you heart is broken! End of relationships is a new beginning. So why not substitute a period we expect to be painful with fun times that will create new you, new life and eventually attract new better love?
It might sound as a bad joke at the moment, but it will pay off in the long run. I’m sure you might be great in other areas of your life such as career, family, your look, social life and hobbies. However, I doubt it. Why? Because a broken heart usually affects women so hard that all other areas of life tend to go wrong too.
When you are in love, you have so much positive energy that people around you sense it. You get promoted or hired, your business is booming, invitations for events are following you, extra pounds drop off almost automatically and all your personality shines….
When your heart is broken, the only thing you really would like to do is cry. You are depressed and accumulate negative energy that attracts all negative events – you fight with family, feel too sad to go out, fail in your work or school projects and the like because you can’t concentrate on anything else but your break up.
Let’s see what can be improved.
1) Your Look – the better you look, the better you feel about yourself. And when you totally enjoy what you see in the mirror, your reflection becomes a magnet…for new people, circumstances and events. If you are already beautiful, you can still look much better. I don’t believe that ugly women exist…I believe that there are women who refuse to be beautiful because it requires lots dedication and time. And, please, don’t blame the economy…you don’t have to spend any money to look ten times better. Of course, if you have extra money it helps, but I personally know women who turn their looks around while on unemployment.
2) Your Family – there are people who love you and care about you, but who you selfishly neglected because…you are too busy, too tired, too much in love, too miserably broken hearted etc…
There is a little parable. “A fairy asks a woman what she would do if she found out that she has one year to live? “I’d put my will together, straighten up business, put together the list of things I always wanted to do and just did them”. “Ok”, Fairy answered, “what if you had one month to live?” “I’d remembered all beautiful moments I had and tried to get as many beautiful moments as I could”. “Great”, the fairy said, “And what if you had one day to live?” “I’d pick up my phone, call my family and say how much I love them and care about them. I’d tell them how many times I just forget about them because I was too selfish to remember”… The moral of this story: Why wait till your last day? Why don’t you pick up your phone and say ‘I love you” to people who really deserve it now!
3) Your Career
Are you as successful as you could be? Do you have a dream job or you were too busy swimming in thoughts and memories of your dysfunctional relationships? Now is a great time to evaluate what you really have. I’m sure that no matter how great things are, you always can do better. So drop your sad thoughts and get busy with your resume, get more clients, go for promotion or finish those projects you were neglecting for a long time. The more successful you will be, the more successful men you’ll attract in the future.
4) Your social life
Where have you been since you met your man? I’m sure that the most events you attended with him. Or even if you went somewhere by yourself, all your attention was on your phone and you kept your “eyes closed for meeting new people.” Each and every event can bring you new connections that can lead to meeting a new, better mate. You never know what gift life has for you. So, put your “social calendar” together and stop saying “no,” “I’m busy,” “I’m tired” and “I’ll go another time”. Get dressed; pull together all positive energy you have left after break up, smile and go!
Those are only 4 areas of your life you can improve now. But you know better what else you wanted to do with your life. Take time for yourself, get out of a shell and start fully living your life!