Written by Lana ~ The first time I laid eyes on my ex, I thought he was the most handsome man in the world. Although after thinking about it for a minute I realized that I haven’t really seen much of the world. I was also chubby and in the middle of a weird phase, so we didn’t hit it of right away. We did become good friends though, and that lasted for two years, during which I lost weight, grew and dyed my hair, and changed my personality quite a bit.
Then, on a normal night of pigging out and watching movies at his house, he kissed me. I could lie and say it was the best kiss in the world, but honestly, the first thing that popped into my head was: “Really? This is what I’ve been waiting for?” I felt nothing, but since I waited for that moment for years, I let myself keep doing it for the next couple of weeks until it consumed me.
After we started officially dating, I gave him my body, and thought we would be together forever. I never imagined my best friend would deceive me in any way, and when it happened the first time, I forgave him without even thinking about it. “It was just a kiss” he said. So I continued to let myself fall deeper.
We did everything together, and I really thought he needed me, until the first time he said “I just don’t feel like having a girlfriend right now.” This break up had me crying for weeks, and on the days I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I called him to hang out “as friends”. Of course to him it was a chance to have sex with me without dealing with commitment.
Finally I got the strength to stay away from him for a couple weeks and before I knew it he wanted me back; I took him back without giving it another thought. Throughout our three year relationship he broke up with me the same way over twenty times and every time, when he came back I gladly accepted him.
Probably because I didn’t think anyone would love me the way he did; I was wrong. Not only was I wrong about that, I was wrong about him, because when I finally got the courage to snoop through his text’s I found the answers I tried so hard to deny in my head.
Yes, he was texting other girls, including his ex girlfriend who he had slept with behind my back numerous times. I was so devastated and furious that I stormed out of his house and told him to never speak to me again. Not too long passed before he was at my door again; this time with flowers. They were so beautiful I had to take him back, but even pretty flowers couldn’t keep us together for long and subconsciously I never really forgave him.
After our third year of breaking up, making up, lying, cheating and pretending that we were okay I went on vacation. I only spent a week in Hawaii with one of my best friends but for some odd reason when I got back home I just didn’t love him anymore. He tried all his old tricks on me but they no longer lit up my heart, and I knew I had to move on.
Sometimes I got lonely and other times when he came to me crying I wanted to just hug him and tell him that everything is okay, and I love him too, but that was no longer true. It’s been years since my break up, and now it’s very hard to look back and understand why I spent so long crying when I could have been happy, but that’s just life I guess.
Finding happiness is easy. “Yeah, right,” you might think to yourself. “If it was that easy, the world would be full of happy, smiling, problem-free people.”
How to Find Happiness – The 5 Main Steps
Written by Viktoria
Stood up means that your date not only did not show up, but also did not bother to explain why it happened. Of course, there were no apologies either. The false promises to go somewhere or do something together are considered stood up as well. We are not talking about waiting for a person at the time he was supposed to pick you up and his phone was off.
Now, let’s make it crystal clear.
If a man gets stood up by a woman there can only be three reasons:
1) Something terrible happened – you should call her and ask what happened.
2) The woman is absolutely not interested in this man and does not care to the level that she won’t communicate with him at all. If a woman is not interested, there is nothing you can do except either step back, wait and pray, or find another woman.
3) The woman has been hurt by this man and this is her little (or not so little) revenge plan. If a woman is hurt or upset, then you really need to come up with a strategy for her forgiveness, but that’s a separate topic.
1) Disrespect – he simply does not care enough to call and explain.
2) Fear – he knows that he is wrong, but he does not want to go through the explanation process, so he develops an “ostrich attitude”, putting his head into the sand and pretending that he cannot be seen.
What is the solution? The solution is simple. Are you familiar with the “done once” rule? All people are creatures of habits. If someone did something once, then he will do it again.
Therefore, if a man disrespected you once, then he will do it again.
You are the one who has to choose between the pleasure of spending time with this man under his conditions or respecting yourself and not letting anybody treat you like a doormat.
I advise you to listen to him once and if he will do it again, then you need to move on unless you are fine with being stood up on weekly basis. If your man does the same disrespectful things to you over and over again, then he is the wrong man for you. There are lots of available men and all it takes is to just find one.
If you believe that you will be able to change your man, then I have news for you. The only age when you can change a man is when he is in diapers.
The way your man behaves is his choice and there is nothing you can to change his choice. The only thing you can do is make your own choice that will be good for you. Moving forward with your life will be the best possible choice because you have only one life which is absolutely precious. You deserve to be happy each and every moment of your life.
And when you meet your Mr. Right-For-You, you will recognize him immediately because he won’t make you feel sad or worried.
Move on and let Mr. False Promise/No Show worry and wonder where you are now. There will be other women in his life to be stood up. If you are a lady with self respect and self confidence, you won’t join them.
Men often take women’s caring, sweetness, and kindness for a weakness…big mistake!
Contributed by Richard Childs
Facebook has fouled the dating world a whole lot. You have to ask a lot of questions when you are reading someone’s profile: Is this information a true representation of the person or an online avatar of what makes them look the best? The anonymity of the internet has given people the courage to write anything. Self doubt coupled with the freedom to develop an online avatar of themselves has caused many an uncomfortable first date. Confidence in yourself and being real about yourself online is a major component of being successful in general. Being overly revealing is also a bain to your success. “Does everyone really need to know this factoid?” is a heavy question that you need to ask when making a profile.
Humans are inquisitive by nature. Facebook is like stalker heroine. I find grand irony in the fact that Zuckerberg ended up having a horribly invasive stalker in his life. With all good things comes a down side. The reconnecting with old friends, family, and former coworkers is great and its effect on freedom to seek information in repressive regimes has propagated freedom all over the globe. Despite all the relationships that it has destroyed, all the Facebook bullying, drunken booty calls, and breakfast menu updates, the freedom it has allowed and the democracy it has promoted is phenomenal.
With all of this said, I can easily assume that Facebook is most likely one of the leading factors in fractured relationships (and broken heart reason). Facebook has so many uses: self promotion, business promotion, informed living, true relationship building, and faux importance building. If you are interested in a person or in the early stages of dating, then you need to stay off their page or limit the depth of which you are digging, especially if they are using their page for business or personal promotion. You will be driven insane with assumptions regarding why this person is contacting them or whose status they have liked. ‘Age: number of friends’ ratio is important. If they are 18-25:500-700 friends are normal, and for their age group they are adept at Facebook and grew up with social networking. Stalking and liking most of their statuses is not as faux pa. If they are 25-35:200-400 friends can be normal but Facebook stalking is less accepted. 35-40:150-250 is normal and Facebook stalking may turn them off quickly. This is the ‘but’ and it’s a big one. If you see a person that exceeds these numbers and has no interest in self promotion of services, ideals, products, or business then they may be friend collectors and sorting through all of their contacts will drive you battier than trying to decipher the meanings of the symbolism in the TV series “Lost” or trying to decipher the drunken text of your philosophy student friend. Get to know the person, and then their profile will make more sense, if any at all.
Facebook ruins relationships – this fact is sad, but true. A broken heart logo can be incorporated in multiple profiles; as a matter of fact it would be great for the statistics.
The contemporary puzzle of dating and relationships is complicated enough to put it together and make it work. With pieces that don’t fit, get broken, or belong to different puzzles, it’s hard to do. Facebook provides a great opportunity to take dating and relationship complications to the next level.
Keeping your hand on your ex’s pulse, fishing for a new romance in someone else’s pond, flirting with someone’s fiancée, boyfriend, or husband (girlfriend, wife), checking her ex’s new flame and his (her) surroundings, making someone jealous, etc. This is just the beginning of the list of real activities.
With 500 million Facebook users where the average user has about 130 friends, 250 million people log on every day. 48% of 18-34 year olds check Facebook when they wake up, with 28% doing so before even getting out of bed. Over 700 billion minutes a month are spent on Facebook*.
Facebook has become a home for teenagers and a playground for adults. While teens like to share each and every action with “puppy joy” and innocent smiles on their faces, adults tend to use new toys more strategically.
Facebook is the new CNN for personal use where people can create and deliver their own information and news to their acquaintance circle. Of course, many serious people use Facebook for business; no doubt about it, but in the world of dating, relationships, break ups, and broken hearts, Facebook has become one of the most powerful weapons that is used constantly used.
With 46,256,040 (18.49%) males and 57,481,100 females (54.03%) over 18+ years old, there are 19,670,180 (18.49%) singles, 13,106,220 (12.32%) in a relationship, 2,833,280 (2.66%) engaged, and 30,761,820 (28.91%) married.**
Can you imagine how huge the field for strategic conscious and subconscious manipulations really is?
1. Stay informed about their exes.
The amount of people constantly checking the pages of their exes is scary. Tons of beautiful pictures where happy people are having fun, in reality, are posted with one simple purpose – to get the attention of one specific person and make him (her) jealous or show that he (she) is not missed anymore. While people constantly and start new relationships all of the time, the power of exes is underestimated. It takes at least one rebound relationship (sometimes more) to forget about that special person.
Facebook has become the new Google for getting information (use the information together mindfully, and you will be almost trained for a career as an FBI agent). You can learn a lot by reading someone’s profile and interests, as well as checking out his (her) friends, statuses, and pictures. The compete list of favorite movies and music will give you an extended insight on his (her) character. You don’t need an advanced degree in psychology to figure out their personality.
3. To communicate with someone indirectly.
Sure, women do it more often than men, but women are extremely creative. If wo men apply the same amount of creativity and dedication that they apply to dating and relationships to their jobs and studies, America probably wouldn’t be in the current economy crisis.
We all know examples of a girl who would spend money on shopping, doing her hair, and makeup, going out to some events only to put her picture on Facebook where she has 500 friends she could care less about, but…there is that one particular person she is in love with. So she would jump through all those hoops with “Facebook self marketing” just to get his attention.
4. To destroy someone else’s happiness by discussing sensitive topics with people in front of thousands of other people.
5. Reaching people you wouldn’t be able to reach without having access to Facebook.
THANK YOU, FACEBOOK, FOR EASY WAY OF FINDING THE TRUTH…IT WON’T BE POSSIBLE WITHOUT YOU!
Another time…there is always another time but all people understand that in reality there might not be another time. You and him might have as many reasons to see each other as you do to not see each other. You never know; you might miss one opportunity and life will give you another opportunity at the time you were supposed to be with this person. However, everything happens for the best and for a reason
“There is always another time” in a way is a synonym of “monkey see, monkey do.”
1. If a man is not clear about whether he wants to see you or not and can’t choose between you and watching a game, boys night out, a poker game, visiting his mother, etc., then it’s not the right time yet.
2. If a man says “I’ll call you” and he actually means “anytime before I die”, let other women to see this man. Remember, a call is an action, not a condition.
3. If a man wants you to be exclusive with him, but he is not sure if he is going to be exclusive with you, then perhaps you need to see him another time, unless you would like to join his harem. I hope you are aware that sleeping with a man in a way means sleeping with his women and their other men.
4. If a man is “busy” every weekend, and the only time he has is on weekdays, then you might need to see him another time…next year perhaps? Unless it’s casual sex or booty calls, dating a special person is about spending at least one of your weekend evenings together
5. If a man does not return your calls within one or two days, it’s better to see him another time.
6. If a man practices hibernation or disappearing acts (especially after hot sex), then you should definitely see him another time – when his hibernation is permanently over.
7. If a man does not acknowledge Valentine’s Day, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and your birthday with flowers and gifts, then it’s better to meet another time and preferably with another man. You can let go of Halloween and the 4th of July, but hello, Valentine’s Day is a must!
8. If you have too many questions about your man, but can’t even get some answers – there is always another time
9. If the man has a couple thousand Facebook “friends” who wear lingerie in their profile picture and a significant amount of them post on his wall about how delighted they would be to see him soon, perhaps you need to let them do it and…see man another time.
10. If a man thinks that a relationship equals having sex when he is available or has no idea what a relationship is and what it’s for, then you might need to see him another time.
11. If a man is on a date with you, but suddenly starts paying attention to another woman, it’s cool…but not with you…so you might need to see him another time.
12. IF A MAN HAS A DESIRE TO SEE YOU, HE’LL FIND LOTS OF OPPORTUNITIES; IF HE HAS NO DESIRE TO SEE YOU, HE’LL FIND TONS OF REASONS. THEREFORE, IF HE HAS NO DESIRE TO SEE YOU, THEN YOU MIGHT NEED TO SEE HIM ANOTHER TIME!
“I hate valentines day!” is the most common phrase said by single people in their most despised holiday – Single Awareness Day. There are reasons behind this saying because society puts tremendous pressure on currently single people.
People who are single by choice suddenly start feeling anxiety and doubts about their lifestyles. “What if…” they think. This means “What if I made the wrong choice, what if I had gotten married, what if I had concentrated on looking for my potential significant other?” Those multiple “ifs” twirl inside of their heads 24/7 as soon as they are trigged by multiple red ads with heart shaped objects.
People who are single by choice usually win those inner battles pretty quickly and do not acknowledge the “V” holiday at all. They pretend it does not exist. However, this group of people is not that big. The largest “I hate Valentines Day” group is people who went through a dramatic break up. They either just cured their broken heart or still have it. Those people would give up lots of things in their lives in order to be held by someone who loves them on Valentines Day. Of course, 90% of those people are women.
Unfortunately, the real situation is not that simple. Those single people who dread being single on Valentines Day put a tremendous amount of pressure, anxiety, jealousy, and negativity on themselves. This is very dangerous because it can not only damage their health, but can also attract negative events in other areas of their lives (work, family, social, etc). Their inner moaning and crying about their exes might lead to not only multiple diseases (if they have kids under thirteen years old, the kids might get sick), but also to unemployment, loss of business, and conflicts with family and friends.
Dear people whose favorite mantra is “I Hate Valentines Day!”, stop chanting it right now. You have to switch your attention. If you don’t know how to do it, the Broken Heart 911 program has a whole chapter dedicated to this subject
Why don’t you treat Valentines Day like Martin Luther King Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, or Veterans Day? You don’t have a date? Great! It is much better to be meaningfully single than to be alone within the couple. Go out and watch people. You will be surprised how many couples are “on duty” because “they have to do valentine rituals.” Yes, there are lots of happy couples and it’s great. However, if you are not in a happy or at least functional relationship, it is better to be single. You don’t have to be completed. The “to be complete” myth was created by the sales department of the first matchmaking service.
Read this blog. We are going to create a month long Valentines section that will be dedicated to making all single and broken hearted people feel good. Instead of thinking “I hate Valentines Day”, think “Let me make this Valentines Day the first day of my new, happy life.” Some people make New Year Resolution, you make a Valentines Day Resolution that will be the first stair on a large ladder of your future happiness.
“Am I his rebound girl?” you might be asking yourself in the beginning of a new relationship. Being a rebound girl is much worse then being a rebound guy. Don’t let illusions trick you. If he was in a relationship recently, be very alert, especially if his beloved ex girlfriend or wife dumped him. I suggest that you walk away from him as soon as you understand that you are his rebound girl.
Yes, he will be hurt even more. However, if you won’t leave him, he will hurt you. If you are a Mother Teresa who is looking to save lives…be my guest and keep dating him (you can even let yourself believe that you will make him forget his ex). If your ultimate goal is to get married and live happily ever after, move on.
1) Ask questions – don’t be afraid. You have absolutely nothing to lose, except your valuable time. Ask if he’s ever been in love…ask how long he was been with his ex and why they broke up. Ask what his ex is doing now (attention, if they just broke up and she is already in a relationship, there is a huge chance that he’s been dumped and he has a broken heart).
2) Look for evidence – pictures in his place, in his computer, or his phone. Ask him if he has his ex’s picture (if he has it in his phone it’s not a major red flag).
3) Ask if he is “friends” with his ex or if she is friends with his friends and family.
Women have a tendency to think that they have to be subtle in order to not scare a man away. Guess what? If your man decides to leave you, he will leave you.
There is a huge difference between being a rebound girl and a rebound guy. Guys might even like the idea of being a rebound friend. If they are not looking for a serious relationship, they might simply enjoy a win–win situation where a girl is getting her self-esteem lifted and her time filled with sex and other “look like relationship activities.”
However, women are wired differently. Very few women are looking for casual sex and dating. Most women see dating as awful, but unfortunately a necessary process that will lead to “living happily ever after and dying on the same day holding hands.”
2) He ended a relationship a long time ago, but still really misses his ex.
3) He talks about his ex a lot.
4) He says really bad things about his ex (it’s even worse; it means that he’s been hurt and that he is not a gentleman).
5) He has pictures of his ex in his place, computer, and phone.
6) He has his ex’s belongings in his place or his car.
7) His ex is still very close with his mom, sister, or best friends.
8) He points to females on TV who are the same type as his ex.
9) Drinking and sex are the two primary activities you two do together.
10) He is not in a hurry to jump in a serious relationship any time soon because he is not ready, he wants to establish himself professionally, “it’s not you, it’s me, baby”, etc.
Remember, there are many more emotionally available men out there and you need to respect and love yourself in order to not get into the “rebound girl” trap.