A Child’s View of Marriage

When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a hard time grasping the concept of marriage. So, I got out our wedding album, thinking visual images would help, and explained the entire service to her.

Once finished, I asked if she had any questions, and she replied, “Oh. I see. Is that when Mommy came to work for us, Daddy?”

Wedding Vows

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.” The wedding vows went like this:

“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”

Say Something Positive

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

“You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is gray, my shoulders are hunched over, I’ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.” She turns to her husband and says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

• Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny.

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• A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

• Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

• You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

• Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. the rest cheat in Europe.

Man: What would you say if i asked u to marry me?

Woman: Nothing. i can’t talk and laugh at the same time!!!

• We have a quiet home life. I don’t speak to her and she doesn’t speak to me.

• Behind every successful man, there is a woman – And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!

• Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.

The Differences Between Love Lust And Marriage

LOVE – - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST – - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE – - when your belt won’t meet around your waist, and you don’t care.

LOVE – - when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST – - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE – - when you argue over money.

LOVE – - when you share everything you own.
LUST – - when you think twice about giving your partner half of your sandwich.
MARRIAGE – - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE – - when you phone each other just to say “Hello”.
LUST – - when you phone each other just to arrange sex.
MARRIAGE – - when you phone each other to find out what time your son’s game starts.

LOVE – - when nobody else matters.
LUST – - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE – - when everybody else matters and you don’t care who knows.

LOVE – - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST – - when it’s just the same mushy old junk.
MARRIAGE – - when you never listen to music.

LOVE – - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST – - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE – - when just getting through today is your only thought.

• I married Mr. Right. I just didn’t know his first name was Always.

• Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

• When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.

• My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

• A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’ . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’

• There are two times a man doesn’t understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!

• Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!

• If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in!

• A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

• Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.

• When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

• To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all !

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

• Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage? They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

• Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.

• This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

• This confirms too, that women are always confused and don’t know what they want.

• There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!”The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, “She’s not only bald, but she’s too cheap to buy any perfume!”