A man and his wife, now in their 60′s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger…Whoosh…immediately he turned ninety!!!Gotta love that fairy
Q: Why do little boys whine?A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!”The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Ed has been missing since Friday…
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?A: Trustworthy.
One day my housework-challenged boyfriend decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
And they say blondes are dumb…
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
The woman replies, “I’ll miss you…”
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.
Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said – That’s a good idea… you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.